On this episode of the BLC Podcast, we're talking about everything from the latest Kat Williams drama to the challenges of coaching youth basketball. In this latest episode, we dive into the world of celebrity gossip with their take on Kat Williams and Shannon Sharp. They don't hold back, and their candid conversations are a breath of fresh air in the often too-polished world of entertainment news. But it's not all Hollywood talk. The episode also gives us a hilarious look into the life of a youth basketball coach. The struggles, the triumphs, and the sheer absurdity of coaching kids in sports are all on full display. Whether you're a sports fan or not, you'll find yourself laughing along with the hosts' stories and mishaps. And just when you think you've heard it all, the episode takes another turn, this time into the realm of being an herbalist. Yes, you read that right. One of the hosts is on a quest to become a master herbalist, and the journey is as comical as it is enlightening. So, if you're in need of a good laugh or just want to hear a different take on the usual podcast fare, give the Black Lincoln Collective Podcast a listen. Tune in to their latest episode, and you might just find yourself binge-listening to the rest of their content. Trust us; it's worth it. Listen now and join the collective for an hour of pure entertainment. You won't regret it!
On this episode of the BLC Podcast, we're talking about everything from the latest Kat Williams drama to the challenges of coaching youth basketball.
In this latest episode, we dive into the world of celebrity gossip with their take on Kat Williams and Shannon Sharp. They don't hold back, and their candid conversations are a breath of fresh air in the often too-polished world of entertainment news.
But it's not all Hollywood talk. The episode also gives us a hilarious look into the life of a youth basketball coach. The struggles, the triumphs, and the sheer absurdity of coaching kids in sports are all on full display. Whether you're a sports fan or not, you'll find yourself laughing along with the hosts' stories and mishaps.
And just when you think you've heard it all, the episode takes another turn, this time into the realm of being an herbalist. Yes, you read that right. One of the hosts is on a quest to become a master herbalist, and the journey is as comical as it is enlightening.
So, if you're in need of a good laugh or just want to hear a different take on the usual podcast fare, give the Black Lincoln Collective Podcast a listen. Tune in to their latest episode, and you might just find yourself binge-listening to the rest of their content. Trust us; it's worth it.
Listen now and join the collective for an hour of pure entertainment. You won't regret it!
(00:00) Welcome to the Black Lincoln collective podcast. With your host, Parker
(01:09) Welcome to the 125th edition of the Black Lincoln collective podcast
(02:14) Alan Og: I don't like cat Williams particularly, either
(07:08) Fred Bennett talks about his kids throwing basketball shade on his podcast
(11:45) Coach: We had practice last night with a kid who's not good at basketball
(16:10) Lee Trevino's son had a basketball game the other day
(20:45) Game got canceled because of the big storm. Storm of the century. Yeah. It was pretty vicious
(20:59) Fred: I'm going to become a master herbalist for this show
(24:32) An herbalist is someone who uses plants for healing
(29:16) Chronicans is a mix between cranberries and shenanigans
(34:43) The Black Lincoln collective podcast will return after a word from our sponsors
(39:37) What's become the official podcast segment of 2024? It's Fredline news
(40:23) Fred: Vanilla ice was headliner at Donald Trump's New Year's Eve party
(44:09) Matt: I'm going to give you an exclusive club that you could join
(45:30) Tell me about this club that I will definitely not be joining until I die
(48:53) Video of Chinese doctor punching patient during surgery goes viral
(52:16) Ohio supreme court suspends attorney who defecated into potato chip
(55:22) Man accidentally sets his house on fire with steak and a toaster
(59:54) My brain is having issues with that, with the poop thing still
(01:00:58) Fredline news sponsored by Bang Bras. Well, bang bros, you did it again. Just when I thought, oh, this isn't
(01:02:19) Fred and Alan challenge each other to an inappropriate joke edition
(01:02:51) So let me find my first hilarious joke. Okay. I'm going to ratle these off for you. These are all Keller jokes
(01:06:05) Poor man meets a rich man around Christmas and asks what he's getting wife
(01:09:06) Bob was excited about his new 338 rifle and decided to go bear hunting
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>> Parker: Because unreleased tracks.
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>> Freddy: I don't know. Welcome.
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Welcome, everyone.
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>> Parker: No, we have a whole new intro.
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>> Freddy: Fasten your seatbelt. It's going to be a
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bumpy night. Alive.
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It's alive.
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It's alive.
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You.
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>> Parker: Welcome to the Black Lincoln collective
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podcast. Oh,
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this is gonna be fun.
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>> Freddy: We can stay up late swapping manly stories. And in the morning,
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I'm making pop.
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>> Parker: With your host, Parker,
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featuring the sultry pounds of Fred and also
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Alan on the board.
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>> Freddy: Let's go already.
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>> Parker: And now let's start the damn show.
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Welcome. Welcome, one and all, to the
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125th edition of the Black Lincoln
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collective podcast. The one podcast that Kat
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Williams didn't insinuate as having penises in its
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mouth. We are so glad you joined us,
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and we appreciate your support so very much. Keep up
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with us@blcpodcast.com. Please drop us a like
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or a follow on x, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and
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TikTok. Please write us on your favorite podcast platform and
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tell all your friends. Now,
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I don't want to make another penis joke. I've already m made too
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many. I give up already.
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>> Freddy: Don't be making penis jokes to, uh, Freddie
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over here, will you understand?
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>> Parker: Did you watch that? I got
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through, like, 2 hours of the two and a half hours I couldn't get.
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>> Freddy: I couldn't find the second part.
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>> Parker: There's a second part?
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>> Freddy: There's part one. I don't like Shannon sharp, though.
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>> Parker: I don't like Shannon sharp, either. But, uh, I don't know how
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I feel about Williams. I don't know if I love him
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or hate him or if I, uh, even talk about him.
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>> Freddy: Thank you for the introduction, uh,
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matthew.
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And, uh, I would like to introduce the man, the myth, the
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legend. Alan Og.
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Keep his name out your mouth.
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>> Parker: About everybody. I don't know any of these, but.
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>> Freddy: He'S always been like, I believe him. I believe him.
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Uh, you know, Michael Blackson.
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>> Parker: I do love Steve Harvey. And that's why I was like, no, not don't, my
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man.
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>> Freddy: Yeah, I agree. Entertainer.
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I believe all that shit. Yeah, I believe all that.
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I don't like cat Williams. I don't like his guy.
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>> Parker: I don't like cat Williams particularly, either. I do think he's funny, but I don't really
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like, oh, I'm a fan
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of coming.
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>> Freddy: He's coming to Greenville.
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>> Parker: Oh, great.
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>> Freddy: Um, I mean, he's trying to sell something, too,
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right?
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>> Parker: Well, and see, that's the thing. And he
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specifically said multiple times, specifically,
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that, um, he wasn't trying to sell anything.
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That makes me think you are trying to sell something. If
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you just don't say anything about it, it's whatever. But if you're
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like, hey, I'm not trying to sell you something, then I'm like, wait a minute.
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>> Freddy: Yeah.
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I don't know. He kind of strikes me as,
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like, one of those comedians
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who kind of on the same way
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as, um, what was Patrice O'Neill.
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Patrice never wanted to be, like,
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famous and comedian, like, huge, doing stadium
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tours, which cat does. He does
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arenas and shit, but.
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>> Parker: He.
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>> Freddy: Just don't seem like he's out for
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all that famous. I don't know.
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>> Parker: Right.
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>> Freddy: I mean, he was getting in a lot of trouble. His name was in the
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news the past couple of years for doing some
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crazy shit. But like you said,
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when you got a whole team of
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comedians.
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>> Parker: Right, right.
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>> Freddy: As you would say, like, you don't get into black Hollywood
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unless you go through, know, four or
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five. So.
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But I don't think cat is down for.
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No, I don't think.
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>> Parker: Maybe it was interesting to me, though, because, and again, this is not by
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any means, like the cat William show, but him talking
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about it's funny to me. Okay, so, like, Fred,
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if we ever blow up, if we ever truly
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get.
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>> Freddy: I'm going to tell all the secrets.
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>> Parker: No, that's fine. No, I have no problem.
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Secrets don't bother me, but
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we have none. Uh, well, that's why it doesn't bother me. When
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you have nothing to hide, who cares?
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That's the great thing about it, is.
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>> Freddy: Everything is all over the show.
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>> Parker: Yeah. My biggest secret is whatever the stain is right here, and I don't know what
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it is. I'm, like, hiding it.
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Um, don't tell Harvey
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Weinstein,
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but, uh, cracks me up, because, like, Shannon sharp, like
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I said, I'm not a huge fan, but
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he's interviewing and he's like, so I
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heard you could read when you were one year old.
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Well, of course I can do
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everything. Uh, writing my own
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encyclopedias at two like
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that.
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>> Freddy: And I don't know how true those stories are.
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>> Parker: That's the thing. You never know.
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>> Freddy: That's the thing. Yeah.
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>> Parker: So if anyone ever interviews us, I'm going to tell them
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about all the.
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>> Freddy: Great things for somebody who was throwing out
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a lot of tea, as they call it.
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>> Parker: Sure.
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>> Freddy: I wouldn't make up anything. I would make sure everything I
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said about myself was factual. That way, if
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anybody could look it.
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>> Parker: Uh, up, you can't call me out on it.
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>> Freddy: Here's a video of him reading at one years old,
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which could be possible.
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>> Parker: The cow goes, moo.
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Still, that's better than some. It's cool.
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Like I said, it was interesting to listen to
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most of it that I did listen to. It
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blew my mind that I'm like, he is just like, he does not give
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a shit.
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>> Freddy: No, I love it.
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>> Parker: That's it.
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>> Freddy: Uh, and he never did.
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>> Parker: No. Right.
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And he says that 153 times.
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>> Freddy: The shit that got me was when he was talking about
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Ricky Smiley and he was saying
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that him and Ricky were supposed to switch
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roles in Friday after next where
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Ricky was supposed to be the pimp and he
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was supposed to be the Santa Claus. He was like, when have you
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ever seen a, uh, five foot.
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>> Parker: Yeah, I get it. I
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understand where he's come from. And that was his whole thing is
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like he was addressing the
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people who were already on Shannon Sharp's show.
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>> Freddy: Right.
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>> Parker: Talking shit about him.
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>> Freddy: Yeah.
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>> Parker: Telling lies about him.
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>> Freddy: I get that.
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>> Parker: I appreciate that actually, that he was like, you know what, I'm here to represent myself
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and it's whatever.
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>> Freddy: Right.
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>> Parker: Well, Fred, let me just tell you. Talk about
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throwing shade. Talk about
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farts. If we are,
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apparently I have to tell you
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about, uh, my kids
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throwing basketball shade.
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These people sort of, but not really.
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Our listeners probably don't know this and they probably don't care, but they're going to find out now
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if they're still listening or just turn off, whatever. I mean, don't turn off. That's
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not what I meant.
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>> Freddy: No, don't do that.
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>> Parker: Don't do that. No, listen, uh, longer.
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Yeah. Listen through this. Endure it with
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me, people. Uh, it's going to suck, but at the
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end it doesn't get better.
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I'm m coaching two basketball teams. My five year
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old son six and under, and my eleven year old twelve
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and under. Sports.
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>> Freddy: Sports, sports.
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>> Parker: So I'm coaching these two teams and like, the six and under
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team is a fucking shit
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show, right? Of course it
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is. The wild west of basketball.
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Yeah. And it's hilariously awesome to
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watch. And I look forward
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to every game of his because
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we played our first game, we played against the
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Hornets. Boo. Which I'm a Hornets fan, so I
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was a little split. We're the Celtics. Because of course I'm white
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and so I have to be.
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>> Freddy: White.
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>> Parker: Coach.
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>> Freddy: Yeah.
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>> Parker: Who's like, oh, obviously
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they were like here. No choice.
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Yeah, right.
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Kids. My kids went out and, uh,
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what could only be considered a nail
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biting game. Close. Oh, tight
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game, Fred. Tight game.
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No, a little better. A little higher quality basketball than that,
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Fred. The final
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score. Drumroll. Alan
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was Celtics six
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hornets four.
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>> Freddy: Oh, yeah.
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>> Parker: It was the best game. And halfway through, me
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and the other coach just walked to the middle and we're just talking because they were
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like, there's nothing we could do here.
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When they finally made a shot, he's like, that's the first shot we've made all
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season. We've made two
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now. We won. Great
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stuff. Then my twelve year old, twelve and
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under, well, they're a hell of a lot more serious, right?
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And, uh, we have lost two games in a row.
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And that's okay. You know why? Because
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I have realized that
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I hate children. I love my
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children, but I hate children in general. And
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I'm probably going to admit to a crime here in a minute because
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I may or may not have an assaulted an eleven year old last
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night. No,
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physically, uh, not like I
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didn't punch him or anything.
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We've done this thing called practice, Fred.
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>> Freddy: Right?
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>> Parker: Where we practice. Uh, specific. Yeah. Who needs
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practice? Not us.
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>> Freddy: Uh, it's all about skill, baby.
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>> Parker: We practice specific things that I'm like, you do this,
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then you go do that, then you go do
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the exact same thing he did, but do it after him,
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right? Et cetera, et cetera.
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Forever, right? And I'm like, if you pass the ball
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and do the things that we practiced, you will be
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good at basketball and you will be successful in everything in your life.
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You'll get mad pussy. You're going to do everything. Eleven year old
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kids,
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right? It's this. And then you're LeBron
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James. Uh, don't worry about it.
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Well, as soon as the whistle blows and the game
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starts, all that goes out the window.
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And they immediately are just like, I don't know what I'm
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doing so many
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times. Uh, they're like, I don't know what I'm
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doing. They're just like running around like little chickens with their heads cut
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off. So we got spanked in our
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first game and we got beat. Not spanked, but beat in
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our second game. But in my second game, three of my
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starters were out, which, uh,
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left me five people who could play Covid, two
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people who show up.
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>> Freddy: Yeah.
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>> Parker: But due to limitations, I
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had to play them and I had to play everybody at least five minutes,
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right? Five minutes game time. So I put the
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kid who was like, so on most
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basketball teams, there's twelve people, right? Like in the NBA. And then
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you have the twelveth man, which is like the guy who never
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gets on the court. He's just there, he brings people
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drinks. He's great guy. Great guy.
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>> Freddy: Makes sure.
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The tiles are dry.
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>> Parker: Uh, right. Just generally gets out of the way for other
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people. Keeps the seats warm for the star.
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Good guy. Good guy. So we
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only have, like, nine people and
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what, uh, would be our twelveth. So our 9th man is actually, like, our
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43rd man. He's so not good
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at basketball.
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Sincerely, we had practice last night. I'm not going to name his name because I
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don't want people to know. Um, but his name
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starts with a d and ends with an
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ominous. I
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didn't say anything, but. So last night we have
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practice, and I'm like, okay. Half my guys, again, didn't
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show up just because of whatever, because they're not as
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serious about as every other team in the league who
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leads this stuff and is like, oh, we've been practicing
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hours a day for fucking months. And I'm like,
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we practice passing. Hooray.
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And they forgot immediately how to do it, right?
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So this kid is on the court last night,
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and we're practicing, um, and
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we're on the same team, right? We're all on the same team. That's why we
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practice together, right? And so someone on our
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team would shoot, and this happened in the game, too. And he'd yell,
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brick.
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And he would try to mess
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with my own players. Our own players.
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>> Freddy: Uh, yeah. Ah.
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>> Parker: During the game,
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our guys. So last night, I had
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enough of. I was like, I can't do this anymore. And so I pulled him
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aside, sort of aside where the rest of the players would hear him. I said,
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listen. I said, are you
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actively trying to be against us right
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now? He's like, what do you mean? And I'm like, you are?
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>> Freddy: Like, every time we shoot, you say, brick well.
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>> Parker: And I was like, uh. There was a second where I was like, okay,
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be a coach. Don't just be an asshole. Be a coach.
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So I was like, listen. I said, dude, I know
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you've got great potential.
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Hold on. Uh, this is 100% exactly what I said.
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I said, listen, I know you have great potential. I don't
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know what it's in, but I know that you have
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great potential inside of you. He's
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like, well. And I said, but you have got to pay attention to what's going on
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around you because you are literally
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actively defeating us every week.
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>> Freddy: Gangster's paradise is playing in the background.
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>> Parker: And he's just like,
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well, he's very much just like.
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And then he's like, middle of the game,
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Fred. He runs over to me, and it's like, hey, coach, can
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I shoot? And I'm like, what do you do?
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Go, um, back on the court, bro.
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Uh, so we go
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throughout the night. I've already had this conversation with him.
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He assures me he does want to be part of this team.
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So we're doing this drill where you just pass the ball,
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don't dribble. Just catch the ball. Pass the
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ball to the next person. Right?
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>> Freddy: Yeah.
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>> Parker: Very simple. Very much my literal
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five year old son can do it, no problem.
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>> Freddy: Right?
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>> Parker: Every time he gets the ball, he runs ten steps before he
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passes it.
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>> Freddy: Just like the NBA.
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>> Parker: Uh, exactly. I'm like, dude, you, uh,
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cannot do this. Uh, this
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is a twelve year old child of
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America trying to dribble when he
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doesn't understand what don't fucking move means.
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>> Freddy: This is first year playing.
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>> Parker: No, Fred. I wish
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at one point. I know you are, and I appreciate that. And I've
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given him months of, like, okay,
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maybe you're just touched. Maybe you're a
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little special. And it's turned into maybe
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you're a word that I shouldn't say on the ear.
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So finally, he just didn't listen. I'm, like, yelling at him.
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Everybody else is doing exactly what they're supposed to be doing. Great job,
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him. He's just not listening. And so I was like,
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dude, stop doing
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that very sad music. I was
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like, I'm getting really frustrated because I was trying, to be honest. Really
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frustrating me. And he kept doing it. So at one point,
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he got kind of close to me and didn't look. And
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earlier in the night, he threw a ball and hit me in the face with it.
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That may have pushed. That
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may have started it. And it wasn't because he was doing it
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maliciously.
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He probably did. I don't care.
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>> Freddy: He gave you a no pass.
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>> Parker: I returned a no look pass magic.
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And I did it. I looked over and I said, oh, his dad's
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not in the stands.
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>> Freddy: Uh.
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>> Parker: I was like, all right.
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>> Freddy: Lee Trevino and happy Gilmore.
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>> Parker: Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what I felt
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like.
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>> Freddy: No.
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>> Parker: Well, at one point before, he was like, they were running
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to the other end of the court. He's like, hey, do you think
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he's. And I was like, you mean, like
368
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retarded?
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>> Freddy: Tarred?
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>> Parker: He's like, I don't know, like autistic or something. I'm like,
371
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I wondered that the first four weeks of just.
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>> Freddy: It's just you and me. You could say retarded, right?
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>> Parker: Well, I was like, it's cool. I was like,
374
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I wondered that for a while. And, uh,
375
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I don't think he is no I just think
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he's actively trying to defeat his own team.
377
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So that's what's been going on.
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>> Freddy: Oh, my goodness.
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>> Parker: So I am beyond frustrated. I am ready to go out and suit up
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and play myself for these twelve and unders and get my ass
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kicked by these guys. That dude on my
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00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:37,790
team almost got dunked on by.
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I'm not even kidding, by like, an almost.
384
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So it's supposed to be twelve and under, right? This kid on the other
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team told people on my team, he is
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14 and he'll be 15 in March.
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>> Freddy: Come on.
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>> Parker: I'm like, wait a minute. That doesn't.
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>> Freddy: Do they not have a league for that kid?
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>> Parker: No, because he should be playing middle school
391
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ball, right? He's very
392
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tall and he's very good, like, right up by the
393
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basket. But outside of that, he can't shoot free throws. He
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can't dribble. He can't do anything but jump, right?
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>> Freddy: That was one thing. My son had
396
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a basketball game the other day, and that was one thing that I saw.
397
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I'm like, I know these kids are
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outside pretty much all the time, just
399
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shooting the ball, just shooting free throws.
400
00:18:24,850 --> 00:18:27,454
They get them right there. They could not hit the free
401
00:18:27,492 --> 00:18:30,206
throw. Couldn't not hit the free
402
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throw.
403
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>> Parker: So he got fouled. This is the other guy on the other team. He got
404
00:18:34,968 --> 00:18:37,586
fouled at one point and he went to the
405
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line, do what? He's like,
406
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:41,090
shaq.
407
00:18:42,950 --> 00:18:45,810
Shaq looked like fucking John Paxton.
408
00:18:47,270 --> 00:18:50,214
For those who don't know, John Paxton is like the
409
00:18:50,252 --> 00:18:53,030
NBA, uh, historical. Most
410
00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:55,906
hitting the most free throws ever. Like, average
411
00:18:55,938 --> 00:18:57,990
wise, he's like 95% of his free throws.
412
00:19:00,410 --> 00:19:03,286
So he got the ball and he was already mad
413
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because he got kicked out of the previous game because he
414
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threw. Okay, let me tell you this. And then, uh,
415
00:19:08,770 --> 00:19:11,674
I know this is the basketball show, but he
416
00:19:11,712 --> 00:19:14,606
got called for back to back travels in the game before, and
417
00:19:14,628 --> 00:19:17,258
he was at mid court, and this was like happy Gilmore.
418
00:19:17,434 --> 00:19:20,174
He got so mad. Big kid. And he
419
00:19:20,212 --> 00:19:23,200
whipped the ball into the stands, right?
420
00:19:23,810 --> 00:19:26,734
But what he didn't seem to understand is that
421
00:19:26,772 --> 00:19:29,570
it's not a lot of stands, it's just this pair of bleachers.
422
00:19:30,150 --> 00:19:32,786
There was an old man standing up against the wall watching the
423
00:19:32,808 --> 00:19:35,266
game, and that ball hit him square in the
424
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chest. And he whipped it
425
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like, he threw it hard on a frozen rope.
426
00:19:41,118 --> 00:19:41,586
>> Freddy: Yeah.
427
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>> Parker: And that dude was like, what the. And I was like, oh,
428
00:19:44,348 --> 00:19:47,026
no. We're going to witness it's
429
00:19:47,058 --> 00:19:50,006
over. Thankfully, the guy wasn't able to get himself back
430
00:19:50,028 --> 00:19:52,998
together. And they teched the kid up, sent him to the
431
00:19:53,004 --> 00:19:55,834
sideline, and then the cops came over and talked to him. And I'm like, oh, so
432
00:19:55,872 --> 00:19:58,870
he's going to get arrested? Because, I mean, that technically could be assault.
433
00:19:58,870 --> 00:19:59,578
>> Freddy: Uh, yeah.
434
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>> Parker: And I was like, please don't arrest us. Like twelve year old
435
00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:03,360
boy, man.
436
00:20:05,570 --> 00:20:08,160
It was very much that. And I was like, oh, my God.
437
00:20:08,410 --> 00:20:11,326
Uh, he went to shoot his free throws. And you have the
438
00:20:11,348 --> 00:20:13,890
backboard, right? The big glass backboard.
439
00:20:15,670 --> 00:20:17,170
He was closer
440
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:21,074
to the side
441
00:20:21,112 --> 00:20:23,778
of the backboard, but on the outside of the
442
00:20:23,784 --> 00:20:24,302
backboard.
443
00:20:24,366 --> 00:20:24,834
>> Freddy: Yeah.
444
00:20:24,952 --> 00:20:27,630
>> Parker: So he was in space. His ball
445
00:20:27,710 --> 00:20:30,710
came way closer to that. Ah. On both shots.
446
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:33,926
And I'm like, this is just ridiculous, man. But anyway, so we
447
00:20:33,948 --> 00:20:36,790
lost. We have six more games to go
448
00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:39,390
in three more weeks, and,
449
00:20:39,390 --> 00:20:41,674
um, we'll see what happens.
450
00:20:41,792 --> 00:20:42,314
>> Freddy: Yeah.
451
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>> Parker: Wow.
452
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>> Freddy: Yeah, dude, I'm very I.
453
00:20:45,248 --> 00:20:47,558
Game got canceled because of the big storm.
454
00:20:47,654 --> 00:20:50,620
>> Parker: The storm of the century. Storm of the century. That's right.
455
00:20:53,330 --> 00:20:56,026
It was pretty vicious. You're still alive,
456
00:20:56,138 --> 00:20:56,510
people.
457
00:20:56,580 --> 00:20:56,958
>> Freddy: Yeah.
458
00:20:57,044 --> 00:20:57,978
>> Parker: Thanks for listening.
459
00:20:58,074 --> 00:20:58,960
>> Freddy: Good job.
460
00:20:59,410 --> 00:21:02,030
>> Parker: Which brings me to my next thing, Fred.
461
00:21:02,550 --> 00:21:05,394
I got to tell you guys, this is a no. Better
462
00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:08,274
than staying alive. Staying. What's better than
463
00:21:08,312 --> 00:21:09,170
being alive?
464
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:12,610
Thriving, staying,
465
00:21:13,770 --> 00:21:15,030
uh,
466
00:21:19,850 --> 00:21:22,726
that's me. I'm adding to my list of all the shit that I have
467
00:21:22,748 --> 00:21:25,542
going on. Um, remember
468
00:21:25,596 --> 00:21:27,830
this? I'm already, first of all, world's greatest
469
00:21:29,390 --> 00:21:31,530
mean. I have a shirt. Do you have a shirt?
470
00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:33,130
>> Freddy: I got a mug.
471
00:21:34,430 --> 00:21:37,290
>> Parker: Well, guess what? My shirt's too small because I'm fat.
472
00:21:39,630 --> 00:21:42,266
I'm already world's greatest dad, world's fifth greatest
473
00:21:42,298 --> 00:21:44,894
lover, uh, a preacher, a
474
00:21:44,932 --> 00:21:47,534
priest, all kinds of stuff. And
475
00:21:47,572 --> 00:21:49,754
now your boy's about to be a master
476
00:21:49,802 --> 00:21:52,670
herbalist. Now,
477
00:21:52,740 --> 00:21:53,898
once I figure out what that.
478
00:21:53,924 --> 00:21:56,270
>> Freddy: Means, you go get some herbal essence.
479
00:21:56,430 --> 00:21:57,780
>> Parker: I signed up,
480
00:21:58,870 --> 00:22:01,790
okay? I'm stupid Fred. I'll do shit
481
00:22:01,870 --> 00:22:04,702
for this show. Just so you guys, for everybody who listens,
482
00:22:04,766 --> 00:22:06,914
this is just for this show. This is just so I can bring.
483
00:22:06,952 --> 00:22:09,538
>> Freddy: This shit to pay off.
484
00:22:09,624 --> 00:22:11,070
>> Parker: Oh, yeah. Oh, no, I can't wait.
485
00:22:11,090 --> 00:22:12,006
>> Freddy: Uh, I can't wait to go on.
486
00:22:12,028 --> 00:22:14,710
>> Parker: Other podcasts pretending that I'm a master herbalist,
487
00:22:15,290 --> 00:22:18,162
so that when all these fucking fruitcakes,
488
00:22:18,306 --> 00:22:20,520
I got the paper to say I do.
489
00:22:21,230 --> 00:22:24,026
Here's my master herbalist mug that I
490
00:22:24,048 --> 00:22:26,890
got. Here's my master herbalist.
491
00:22:30,770 --> 00:22:33,534
It's so big, but, yeah, I
492
00:22:33,572 --> 00:22:35,694
found a class online and it was like.
493
00:22:35,732 --> 00:22:38,210
>> Freddy: A football, ah, bathtub.
494
00:22:38,210 --> 00:22:40,974
>> Parker: Uh, it probably worked better for that.
495
00:22:41,092 --> 00:22:44,078
It's normally $200. Guess how much I got it for. Fred,
496
00:22:44,174 --> 00:22:46,870
this is the thing, uh,
497
00:22:46,870 --> 00:22:49,140
herbalism as a whole
498
00:22:49,830 --> 00:22:52,706
can really be broken down. I knew it was bullshit because
499
00:22:52,728 --> 00:22:55,538
they're like, this is a $200 class today, available
500
00:22:55,624 --> 00:22:56,690
for $6.
501
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,686
>> Freddy: Oh, my God. And so I was like,
502
00:22:59,708 --> 00:23:00,760
how could I not?
503
00:23:02,490 --> 00:23:04,390
>> Parker: I already own land on the moon
504
00:23:05,450 --> 00:23:08,242
in Scotland, Fred. I'm an international
505
00:23:08,306 --> 00:23:09,350
man of mystery. Really?
506
00:23:09,420 --> 00:23:11,718
>> Freddy: Do you have your own star yet, though?
507
00:23:11,884 --> 00:23:14,746
>> Parker: I think I do. I think I bought a star for one of the kids. No, what I
508
00:23:14,768 --> 00:23:17,414
did is I put the kid's name on the lunar
509
00:23:17,462 --> 00:23:20,438
rover. Uh, because you could sit, there's
510
00:23:20,454 --> 00:23:23,446
like a plaque that would be engraved with the kid's name. So the kids are.
511
00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:26,526
Their names are stuck on the moon. Yeah, the
512
00:23:26,548 --> 00:23:29,120
rover didn't make it. Well, then, even better.
513
00:23:29,490 --> 00:23:30,702
Now we own a star.
514
00:23:30,836 --> 00:23:32,350
>> Freddy: Just space debris.
515
00:23:35,970 --> 00:23:38,320
They were supposed to be landing a rover, something.
516
00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:41,938
>> Parker: This was years ago, though, not recently. This was the
517
00:23:41,944 --> 00:23:43,170
last. The good rover.
518
00:23:45,110 --> 00:23:48,018
The good rover. Yeah. Maybe Mars. I don't know where, uh, maybe it
519
00:23:48,024 --> 00:23:50,854
was Mars. Yeah, Mars sounds right. Uh, I don't know, but yeah,
520
00:23:50,892 --> 00:23:53,814
no, anything free or in. So, yeah. So now I'm going to learn
521
00:23:53,852 --> 00:23:56,806
what being an herbalist is, Fred, and then I'm going to
522
00:23:56,828 --> 00:23:57,474
master it.
523
00:23:57,532 --> 00:23:58,966
>> Freddy: Then you're going to make some m teas?
524
00:23:59,078 --> 00:24:01,580
>> Parker: Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
525
00:24:02,110 --> 00:24:04,700
I, uh, eat something and I'm like, this needs more time,
526
00:24:09,970 --> 00:24:12,102
m. I'm going to make my own badge.
527
00:24:12,246 --> 00:24:15,126
>> Freddy: Go get him. Big old headdress.
528
00:24:15,318 --> 00:24:16,250
>> Parker: Oh, man.
529
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:17,090
>> Freddy: Burning sage.
530
00:24:17,110 --> 00:24:19,998
>> Parker: I said I'm going to go on to every crunchy fruitcake podcast that I
531
00:24:20,004 --> 00:24:22,634
can find as a master
532
00:24:22,682 --> 00:24:25,586
herbalist. And they'll be like, let's talk about
533
00:24:25,608 --> 00:24:28,402
our chakras. And I'm like, well, you know, when you don't eat enough
534
00:24:28,456 --> 00:24:31,326
paprika, your chakras are all whack
535
00:24:31,358 --> 00:24:32,094
a doodle.
536
00:24:32,222 --> 00:24:34,210
What does an herbalist do, Fred?
537
00:24:34,550 --> 00:24:36,854
>> Freddy: Paprika? Is that how you say
538
00:24:36,892 --> 00:24:37,574
it?
539
00:24:37,772 --> 00:24:39,960
>> Parker: I say paprika, but
540
00:24:40,650 --> 00:24:43,414
other things. Okay, so what does an herbalist do? I thought
541
00:24:43,452 --> 00:24:45,670
herbalist was grow weed.
542
00:24:46,090 --> 00:24:48,362
Okay, so, no, apparently I. An
543
00:24:48,416 --> 00:24:51,254
herbalist is someone who uses
544
00:24:51,302 --> 00:24:54,038
plants for healing. These practitioners
545
00:24:54,134 --> 00:24:57,002
are not medical doctors? No, me,
546
00:24:57,136 --> 00:25:00,122
though some are also referred to as
547
00:25:00,176 --> 00:25:02,480
medical herbalists. Maybe I'll be that.
548
00:25:02,590 --> 00:25:05,134
Um, what can I do as an herbalist, you ask,
549
00:25:05,172 --> 00:25:07,786
Fred? An herbalist? Salary, legal career
550
00:25:07,818 --> 00:25:10,800
opportunities. Oh, it's a blank page on the Internet. Perfect.
551
00:25:13,830 --> 00:25:15,010
Oh, shit.
552
00:25:17,430 --> 00:25:20,078
Uh, this could be the spine of a lifetime.
553
00:25:20,174 --> 00:25:23,154
An average herbalist salary ranges from twenty thousand
554
00:25:23,192 --> 00:25:25,666
dollars to one hundred and twenty thousand dollars a year,
555
00:25:25,768 --> 00:25:28,614
depending specialization and experience. I can make
556
00:25:28,652 --> 00:25:31,558
up both of those things. So a
557
00:25:31,564 --> 00:25:34,358
master herbalist. A clinical herbalist, which could be me.
558
00:25:34,524 --> 00:25:37,334
Their hourly rate ranges roughly from
559
00:25:37,372 --> 00:25:40,278
fifty dollars to one hundred dollars an hour. Damn, I'm
560
00:25:40,294 --> 00:25:41,290
going to be rich.
561
00:25:41,950 --> 00:25:43,382
>> Freddy: I'm rich, bitch.
562
00:25:43,446 --> 00:25:46,426
>> Parker: Yeah, I'm rich, bitch. Come on. Need some
563
00:25:46,448 --> 00:25:48,940
cardamom, I'm your guy.
564
00:25:49,870 --> 00:25:52,478
I don't know, Bret. I only cook some, I don't know, actual
565
00:25:52,564 --> 00:25:53,210
herbs.
566
00:25:53,370 --> 00:25:54,750
>> Freddy: Rabbit tobacco.
567
00:25:57,890 --> 00:26:00,446
>> Parker: I see your leg is falling off. Maybe rub some
568
00:26:00,468 --> 00:26:01,114
coriander
569
00:26:01,162 --> 00:26:04,810
onted.
570
00:26:04,810 --> 00:26:05,110
Uh,
571
00:26:08,154 --> 00:26:10,590
probably not enough nutmeg in your diet.
572
00:26:14,370 --> 00:26:16,786
>> Freddy: God. What? The tartar? The tartar.
573
00:26:16,898 --> 00:26:17,922
>> Parker: Cream of tartar.
574
00:26:17,986 --> 00:26:19,350
>> Freddy: Cream of tartar.
575
00:26:21,530 --> 00:26:24,498
>> Parker: Oh, I see you have an open womb that's seeping. Rub
576
00:26:24,514 --> 00:26:26,200
a little cream of tartar on that.
577
00:26:26,730 --> 00:26:29,290
>> Freddy: Know Vincent Price's father
578
00:26:29,870 --> 00:26:31,638
created cream of tartar.
579
00:26:31,734 --> 00:26:34,102
>> Parker: Really? Yeah, I feel like there's
580
00:26:34,166 --> 00:26:34,780
something.
581
00:26:36,750 --> 00:26:37,850
Okay. Wow.
582
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:38,730
>> Freddy: That's it?
583
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:39,354
>> Parker: I just thought.
584
00:26:39,392 --> 00:26:42,362
>> Freddy: I thought that I watched the thriller
585
00:26:42,426 --> 00:26:45,406
documentary the other day and that was one
586
00:26:45,428 --> 00:26:46,400
of the little
587
00:26:47,890 --> 00:26:48,750
pieces.
588
00:26:53,330 --> 00:26:56,226
>> Parker: The freshest nuggets. You
589
00:26:56,248 --> 00:26:59,042
want fresh nuggets? Make sure you eat
590
00:26:59,096 --> 00:27:01,998
lots of. I can't
591
00:27:02,014 --> 00:27:04,546
even think of another herb. A lot of
592
00:27:04,568 --> 00:27:07,566
fenugreek will help. You have plenty
593
00:27:07,598 --> 00:27:10,062
of nuggets. Fresh, hot, steaming nuggets.
594
00:27:10,126 --> 00:27:11,766
>> Freddy: Sprinkle a little saffron on it.
595
00:27:11,788 --> 00:27:14,750
>> Parker: Yeah, there you go. The most expensive thing in the world. Uh,
596
00:27:14,750 --> 00:27:16,838
I bought some saffron because it was on clearance and I don't know.
597
00:27:16,844 --> 00:27:18,220
>> Freddy: What to do with it.
598
00:27:21,870 --> 00:27:23,980
>> Parker: That goes against my herbalist code.
599
00:27:25,230 --> 00:27:26,860
If there's one thing I know about,
600
00:27:30,390 --> 00:27:33,374
uh, if there's one thing I know about my herbalist code,
601
00:27:33,412 --> 00:27:35,786
Fred, uh, stealing herbs,
602
00:27:35,978 --> 00:27:38,922
not the right way to medicate thyself.
603
00:27:39,066 --> 00:27:41,546
That's right. Can I become, like, a pot dealer
604
00:27:41,578 --> 00:27:42,160
then?
605
00:27:43,970 --> 00:27:46,702
>> Freddy: You don't need that if you want to be a pot
606
00:27:46,756 --> 00:27:47,114
dealer.
607
00:27:47,162 --> 00:27:49,522
>> Parker: Yeah, but I could be like an
608
00:27:49,576 --> 00:27:52,498
artisan pot dealer. What do
609
00:27:52,504 --> 00:27:54,350
they call the marketing?
610
00:27:54,510 --> 00:27:57,382
>> Freddy: They call the guys at the weed store or something.
611
00:27:57,436 --> 00:27:58,338
>> Parker: Bud tenders.
612
00:27:58,434 --> 00:27:59,282
>> Freddy: Bud tenders.
613
00:27:59,346 --> 00:28:01,506
>> Parker: See, that's not what I want to be. I want to be the herbalist
614
00:28:01,538 --> 00:28:02,390
recommendation.
615
00:28:03,930 --> 00:28:04,294
>> Freddy: Right.
616
00:28:04,332 --> 00:28:07,046
>> Parker: I'm a master specializing in
617
00:28:07,068 --> 00:28:07,794
cannibal arts.
618
00:28:07,842 --> 00:28:09,606
>> Freddy: Four out of five cannibal arts is.
619
00:28:09,628 --> 00:28:10,930
>> Parker: Not what I meant to say.
620
00:28:11,100 --> 00:28:11,866
>> Freddy: Well, that will help.
621
00:28:11,888 --> 00:28:14,806
>> Parker: You want to eat one of your friends, make sure they're
622
00:28:14,838 --> 00:28:16,666
eating greek every day.
623
00:28:16,848 --> 00:28:19,706
>> Freddy: Well, actually, that will help in your qualifications as secretary of
624
00:28:19,728 --> 00:28:20,390
agriculture.
625
00:28:20,470 --> 00:28:23,354
>> Parker: Right? It's all adding up to my political
626
00:28:23,402 --> 00:28:24,270
aspirations.
627
00:28:26,210 --> 00:28:28,026
>> Freddy: You've been a comptroller.
628
00:28:28,218 --> 00:28:28,574
>> Parker: True.
629
00:28:28,612 --> 00:28:31,566
>> Freddy: I've tried. I tried to be a comptroller and then
630
00:28:31,588 --> 00:28:34,466
you tried to be secretary of agriculture. Agriculture for
631
00:28:34,488 --> 00:28:36,370
the great Carolina.
632
00:28:37,270 --> 00:28:39,970
>> Parker: The only thing I haven't tried to do is
633
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,834
something that you told me you sort
634
00:28:42,872 --> 00:28:45,494
of experienced recently. That
635
00:28:45,532 --> 00:28:46,120
is.
636
00:28:50,970 --> 00:28:52,280
Let's end the show.
637
00:28:56,330 --> 00:28:57,720
>> Freddy: Okay, got you.
638
00:29:01,130 --> 00:29:04,026
>> Parker: As I understand it, some people in your life may
639
00:29:04,048 --> 00:29:06,874
not be as close as they used to be, but I didn't know you had gotten to that
640
00:29:06,912 --> 00:29:09,642
level already. My wife's been gone for
641
00:29:09,696 --> 00:29:12,540
13 minutes. Let me see what I can do.
642
00:29:16,530 --> 00:29:19,434
Fred, you told me that you recently
643
00:29:19,482 --> 00:29:21,040
experienced some.
644
00:29:24,610 --> 00:29:27,074
>> Freddy: Heard. I heard about it. I didn't actually get.
645
00:29:27,112 --> 00:29:29,874
>> Parker: Oh, I thought you did the Chronic. No, tell me about
646
00:29:29,912 --> 00:29:32,686
it. Chronicans, ladies and gentlemen,
647
00:29:32,798 --> 00:29:35,566
is a mix between cranberries
648
00:29:35,758 --> 00:29:37,250
and shenanigans.
649
00:29:38,810 --> 00:29:40,742
>> Freddy: Put them together, you get
650
00:29:40,876 --> 00:29:42,486
shenanigans because.
651
00:29:42,508 --> 00:29:45,110
>> Parker: You put them together. Get sucking your own dick.
652
00:29:48,270 --> 00:29:49,420
Hear about that.
653
00:29:54,030 --> 00:29:55,814
>> Freddy: Next week on the podcast.
654
00:29:55,942 --> 00:29:56,620
>> Parker: No,
655
00:29:58,910 --> 00:30:00,480
it'll be a real short podcast, folks.
656
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,734
>> Freddy: Uh, the BLC after hours.
657
00:30:02,932 --> 00:30:05,806
>> Parker: Yeah, BLC after dark. You don't want to
658
00:30:05,828 --> 00:30:06,640
see it.
659
00:30:10,430 --> 00:30:13,374
>> Freddy: Uh, I think they grow a lot of, uh, cranberries,
660
00:30:13,422 --> 00:30:15,090
where they grow a lot of cranberries.
661
00:30:16,550 --> 00:30:19,540
Yeah, but where? Anyway.
662
00:30:22,390 --> 00:30:23,860
>> Parker: Seriously? I think so.
663
00:30:26,790 --> 00:30:29,590
>> Freddy: Yeah. They grow them in bogs. So you've seen
664
00:30:29,660 --> 00:30:30,870
the cranberry
665
00:30:32,250 --> 00:30:35,174
commercials where the. Remember it was the old ones where the guy
666
00:30:35,212 --> 00:30:38,166
was in waiters and they were out in the water and
667
00:30:38,188 --> 00:30:39,714
all the cranberries are floating.
668
00:30:39,842 --> 00:30:41,574
>> Parker: I wasn't that wrong. Okay.
669
00:30:41,692 --> 00:30:42,130
>> Freddy: No.
670
00:30:42,220 --> 00:30:44,794
>> Parker: Apparently, there are only five states that grow
671
00:30:44,912 --> 00:30:47,500
almost all of our country. Our country
672
00:30:48,190 --> 00:30:50,530
supply, uh, of the tart cranberries.
673
00:30:50,710 --> 00:30:53,680
Wisconsin produces more than half.
674
00:30:54,050 --> 00:30:57,034
Massachusetts harvests a third, and New Jersey, Oregon,
675
00:30:57,082 --> 00:30:59,200
and Washington produce much of the.
676
00:30:59,810 --> 00:31:01,360
So there you,
677
00:31:02,450 --> 00:31:03,986
now, we know when.
678
00:31:04,008 --> 00:31:06,962
>> Freddy: They grow these cranberries, they grow them in a field,
679
00:31:07,016 --> 00:31:09,870
but it's a bog, it's kind of wet.
680
00:31:10,030 --> 00:31:12,340
So when it's harvest time,
681
00:31:12,790 --> 00:31:15,778
they'll flood that bog over the top of
682
00:31:15,784 --> 00:31:18,726
the trees, and all the cranberries will float to the top, and
683
00:31:18,748 --> 00:31:21,494
they got a big net. So I was
684
00:31:21,532 --> 00:31:24,406
reading about how they do that, how
685
00:31:24,428 --> 00:31:27,142
they harvest these, and there's one
686
00:31:27,196 --> 00:31:29,802
guy who's trying to get into
687
00:31:29,856 --> 00:31:32,714
the organic, trying to stay away
688
00:31:32,752 --> 00:31:34,554
from pesticides, stuff like that.
689
00:31:34,592 --> 00:31:35,180
>> Parker: Well,
690
00:31:37,710 --> 00:31:40,380
if only he had a master herbalist at his side.
691
00:31:42,370 --> 00:31:45,102
>> Freddy: If only, if only. But he found
692
00:31:45,156 --> 00:31:46,318
out the way he.
693
00:31:46,324 --> 00:31:48,942
>> Parker: Was, like, if I suck, to stop the bug, cranberries fix
694
00:31:48,996 --> 00:31:51,374
themselves to stop.
695
00:31:51,412 --> 00:31:54,274
>> Freddy: The bugs from eating all his cranberries, right? He
696
00:31:54,312 --> 00:31:56,590
invested in wolf spiders,
697
00:31:56,750 --> 00:31:59,586
okay? They put, like, wolf spiders out into
698
00:31:59,688 --> 00:32:02,558
the cranberry orchard, and the wolf spiders
699
00:32:02,574 --> 00:32:05,386
eat the bugs, and he has a plentiful harvest.
700
00:32:05,438 --> 00:32:05,702
>> Parker: Sure.
701
00:32:05,756 --> 00:32:08,658
>> Freddy: So when they flood that bog
702
00:32:08,754 --> 00:32:11,110
and the guys go out there with nets.
703
00:32:13,050 --> 00:32:14,750
In one of his, um,
704
00:32:15,770 --> 00:32:18,558
ads for applications,
705
00:32:18,754 --> 00:32:21,226
he says, you have to be very friendly of
706
00:32:21,248 --> 00:32:22,170
spiders.
707
00:32:23,070 --> 00:32:23,820
>> Parker: No.
708
00:32:27,230 --> 00:32:30,198
>> Freddy: He said, one guy was like, well, yeah, I'm not afraid of spiders.
709
00:32:30,214 --> 00:32:32,160
And he's like, no, you don't understand.
710
00:32:33,090 --> 00:32:35,934
We flood this bog and those spiders, they
711
00:32:35,972 --> 00:32:38,826
can't swim. They can't really swim. They can swim,
712
00:32:38,858 --> 00:32:41,758
but they don't like water, right? So they're going
713
00:32:41,764 --> 00:32:44,706
to climb on top of the tallest thing out there
714
00:32:44,728 --> 00:32:46,994
in that ball and you're up to like,
715
00:32:47,032 --> 00:32:49,394
3ft with weights on.
716
00:32:49,432 --> 00:32:51,742
So with spiders
717
00:32:51,886 --> 00:32:53,620
crawling all over you.
718
00:32:53,900 --> 00:32:54,120
>> Parker: Hm.
719
00:32:54,310 --> 00:32:56,866
>> Freddy: Trying to put nets out to harvest
720
00:32:57,058 --> 00:32:58,230
cranberries.
721
00:33:00,730 --> 00:33:03,702
Next time you're enjoying a nice
722
00:33:03,756 --> 00:33:06,642
glass of, uh, vodka and cranberry
723
00:33:06,706 --> 00:33:09,430
juice. Or just remember,
724
00:33:09,580 --> 00:33:11,350
maybe you're on your period.
725
00:33:13,210 --> 00:33:15,910
Maybe you got to get rid of those cramps.
726
00:33:16,650 --> 00:33:19,606
>> Parker: If you're a cranberry bog guy, you don't
727
00:33:19,628 --> 00:33:22,154
want to be covered in wolf spiders. This master
728
00:33:22,202 --> 00:33:24,926
herbalist says, rub your face with some
729
00:33:24,948 --> 00:33:27,100
margarum. Um,
730
00:33:28,850 --> 00:33:30,298
yeah, it's an herb.
731
00:33:30,394 --> 00:33:31,434
>> Freddy: It's an herb.
732
00:33:31,562 --> 00:33:34,510
>> Parker: Yeah, Margarum. Yeah, Margarum.
733
00:33:34,590 --> 00:33:37,326
Or if you don't like that, feel free to rub
734
00:33:37,358 --> 00:33:39,570
yourself down with some nice dill.
735
00:33:40,070 --> 00:33:43,042
There's one thing wolf spiders hate. It's a big
736
00:33:43,096 --> 00:33:45,540
dill. Go.
737
00:33:47,830 --> 00:33:49,940
I don't know, I couldn't dill guy.
738
00:33:50,470 --> 00:33:52,066
Big deal.
739
00:33:52,168 --> 00:33:52,580
>> Freddy: Bogger.
740
00:33:52,580 --> 00:33:55,446
>> Parker: Uh, yeah. Nothing says don't let the
741
00:33:55,468 --> 00:33:58,194
dill bog you down, dill boggins. Just do
742
00:33:58,252 --> 00:33:58,860
it.
743
00:34:02,750 --> 00:34:04,902
All right, so that's gross.
744
00:34:05,046 --> 00:34:07,914
>> Freddy: Yeah, so that's kind of nasty. We think about. Just think about it
745
00:34:07,952 --> 00:34:08,822
next time you join.
746
00:34:08,886 --> 00:34:11,466
>> Parker: Covered in spiders. But I guess if you gave me the option of,
747
00:34:11,488 --> 00:34:14,362
like, was covered in spiders
748
00:34:14,426 --> 00:34:17,294
or is full of bugs, I'll take
749
00:34:17,332 --> 00:34:19,662
was covered in spiders, I guess, I don't know.
750
00:34:19,716 --> 00:34:21,578
>> Freddy: Was covered in spider. What are you talking about, wood?
751
00:34:21,674 --> 00:34:24,514
>> Parker: The cranberries aren't covered in spiders when you get them.
752
00:34:24,712 --> 00:34:26,946
>> Freddy: No. Like, when you get them to eat.
753
00:34:27,048 --> 00:34:27,602
>> Parker: Right.
754
00:34:27,736 --> 00:34:28,082
>> Freddy: Yeah.
755
00:34:28,136 --> 00:34:30,978
>> Parker: No, but the other alternative is. Well, the
756
00:34:30,984 --> 00:34:33,730
other alternative is they are infested with bugs.
757
00:34:34,230 --> 00:34:34,894
>> Freddy: Yes.
758
00:34:35,032 --> 00:34:36,678
>> Parker: Right, right.
759
00:34:36,764 --> 00:34:39,590
>> Freddy: Yeah. Take wolf spiders over bugs
760
00:34:40,810 --> 00:34:42,930
and wolf spiders. They're not dangerous.
761
00:34:43,090 --> 00:34:44,200
>> Parker: Right. They're just
762
00:34:46,330 --> 00:34:47,346
big ass spiders.
763
00:34:47,378 --> 00:34:47,706
>> Freddy: That's it.
764
00:34:47,728 --> 00:34:49,480
>> Parker: Why do they call them wolf spiders?
765
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:51,930
>> Freddy: Uh, I think they're hairy.
766
00:34:52,430 --> 00:34:53,660
They go like this.
767
00:34:58,670 --> 00:35:01,260
>> Parker: Wolf, uh, spiders look so scary. But they are nice.
768
00:35:02,190 --> 00:35:04,800
>> Freddy: Yeah, I think they just look weird. Yeah.
769
00:35:05,810 --> 00:35:08,686
Is that the one with the dark brown thing on the
770
00:35:08,708 --> 00:35:08,990
back?
771
00:35:09,060 --> 00:35:11,662
>> Parker: Yeah, and it's got like big freaking chompers, like,
772
00:35:11,796 --> 00:35:14,746
yeah, it looks like. I don't want to hear.
773
00:35:14,788 --> 00:35:17,474
Let's pull up for the kids at home, get
774
00:35:17,512 --> 00:35:20,466
ready. Spoiler alert. Or if
775
00:35:20,488 --> 00:35:23,314
you have a phobia of spiders, don't look
776
00:35:23,352 --> 00:35:25,574
at what's about to come up on your screen. Look at this
777
00:35:25,612 --> 00:35:26,470
motherfucker.
778
00:35:26,810 --> 00:35:27,880
>> Freddy: Look at that.
779
00:35:29,530 --> 00:35:32,326
>> Parker: So you're going to be covered in that, dude. Yeah, they do
780
00:35:32,348 --> 00:35:33,880
look happy. Look at him.
781
00:35:35,450 --> 00:35:37,346
>> Freddy: That looks like he's just chilling.
782
00:35:37,378 --> 00:35:38,358
>> Parker: He's like, yeah.
783
00:35:38,524 --> 00:35:40,870
>> Freddy: What's up, man? What big eyes.
784
00:35:41,020 --> 00:35:43,370
>> Parker: Hey, mind if I, uh, get a ride there, boss?
785
00:35:43,710 --> 00:35:44,460
>> Freddy: No.
786
00:35:44,990 --> 00:35:47,686
>> Parker: Me and my thousand friends and all these baby
787
00:35:47,718 --> 00:35:50,586
spiders that are going to crawl in your ears. See, that's the thing. I
788
00:35:50,608 --> 00:35:52,910
just don't want to crawl in my ears and my nose,
789
00:35:54,850 --> 00:35:57,598
especially not my butthole. Like, of all the
790
00:35:57,604 --> 00:36:00,494
places. Okay? So
791
00:36:00,532 --> 00:36:03,486
let's just say, trust me, nobody's going in here. Well,
792
00:36:03,508 --> 00:36:06,386
I know, I know. No human was there, but
793
00:36:06,408 --> 00:36:08,130
for a spider, that's an attractive.
794
00:36:09,590 --> 00:36:12,498
That is one damp cave, gentlemen. What if I
795
00:36:12,504 --> 00:36:15,474
go to. Because my thing is young
796
00:36:15,512 --> 00:36:18,414
beetles. If I had to go to a doctor, let's say a spider
797
00:36:18,462 --> 00:36:21,286
went into my ear, right? And I went to the doctor, and I was like,
798
00:36:21,308 --> 00:36:24,246
listen, I think a spider crawled here. Can
799
00:36:24,268 --> 00:36:27,222
you extract it? Right? And they're like, sure, no problem.
800
00:36:27,276 --> 00:36:30,106
Stick the water in there, scooch the thing out, and then
801
00:36:30,128 --> 00:36:32,954
you're on Dr. Pimple popper or whatever, right?
802
00:36:33,152 --> 00:36:35,658
No problem. But if a spider went into my
803
00:36:35,664 --> 00:36:38,598
butthole, I would feel very awkward
804
00:36:38,694 --> 00:36:41,040
going to the doctor, like, okay,
805
00:36:42,130 --> 00:36:44,590
there's something crawling around in my butthole.
806
00:36:45,010 --> 00:36:46,206
>> Freddy: What'd you put up there?
807
00:36:46,308 --> 00:36:47,280
>> Parker: Right, exactly.
808
00:36:49,810 --> 00:36:52,000
I heard cat Williams talking about you.
809
00:36:52,930 --> 00:36:53,950
You got me again.
810
00:36:54,020 --> 00:36:56,962
>> Freddy: What'd you put up there, sir? I didn't put anything up. Okay, sir,
811
00:36:57,016 --> 00:36:57,938
you got to be honest.
812
00:36:58,024 --> 00:36:58,226
>> Parker: Okay?
813
00:36:58,248 --> 00:36:59,220
>> Freddy: Yeah. You put up.
814
00:37:00,790 --> 00:37:03,540
>> Parker: You and everybody else didn't put something up their ass,
815
00:37:04,470 --> 00:37:05,154
all right?
816
00:37:05,272 --> 00:37:08,238
>> Freddy: Your partner put up there, right? No, I swear
817
00:37:08,254 --> 00:37:08,798
to God.
818
00:37:08,904 --> 00:37:11,846
>> Parker: What did you wake up with in your ass? I'm like, family of
819
00:37:11,868 --> 00:37:14,838
spiders. And they're like, oh, cranberry season already. I'm like,
820
00:37:14,844 --> 00:37:17,794
you know, we'll
821
00:37:17,842 --> 00:37:20,742
take a quick break. We'll be right back
822
00:37:20,876 --> 00:37:22,950
with more of the blacklinkin collective.
823
00:37:23,470 --> 00:37:24,350
>> Freddy: Oh, my God.
824
00:37:24,350 --> 00:37:27,034
>> Parker: Uh, the Black Lincoln collective podcast will
825
00:37:27,072 --> 00:37:29,690
return after a word from our sponsors.
826
00:37:32,670 --> 00:37:35,430
Okay, everybody, it's Michael E. Cullen II.
827
00:37:35,510 --> 00:37:38,254
And I'm Sesame and Carter from the all too real
828
00:37:38,292 --> 00:37:40,698
two podcast. We're passionate about movies,
829
00:37:40,794 --> 00:37:43,482
tv, and pretty much all things pop culture.
830
00:37:43,546 --> 00:37:46,386
Dive into the chaos of failed sitcoms, direct to
831
00:37:46,408 --> 00:37:49,266
video sequels, and the quirky realms of cinema and
832
00:37:49,288 --> 00:37:52,130
tv. Join us every Thursday for your dose of
833
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:55,186
all too real two entertainment. We'll guide you
834
00:37:55,208 --> 00:37:58,042
through debates like whether Howard the duck qualifies
835
00:37:58,126 --> 00:38:00,802
as a superhero. Ponder if Larry the cable
836
00:38:00,866 --> 00:38:03,682
guy could be the new rock or Schwarzenegger.
837
00:38:03,746 --> 00:38:06,566
Discover if some shows and movies should have stayed in the
838
00:38:06,588 --> 00:38:09,194
cutting room. Ever heard of a sitcom featuring that
839
00:38:09,232 --> 00:38:11,914
dictator with the funny mustache? Well, we
840
00:38:11,952 --> 00:38:14,934
watched it. We're dedicated to unraveling the peculiarities
841
00:38:14,982 --> 00:38:17,530
of pop culture, sometimes with awesome
842
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:20,446
guests. So if you're into the eccentric world of
843
00:38:20,468 --> 00:38:23,342
pop culture, listen and subscribe to all too real
844
00:38:23,396 --> 00:38:26,174
two, available wherever you find podcasts and on
845
00:38:26,212 --> 00:38:27,390
age of radio.
846
00:38:47,310 --> 00:38:59,610
>> Freddy: Mhm.
847
00:39:06,890 --> 00:39:09,686
>> Parker: Inappropriate. We're going to cut that,
848
00:39:09,708 --> 00:39:10,266
Alan.
849
00:39:10,418 --> 00:39:11,630
>> Freddy: Yeah, don't forget.
850
00:39:13,730 --> 00:39:16,666
>> Parker: Welcome back. 125th episode of the Black Lane
851
00:39:16,698 --> 00:39:19,546
Collective podcast. We're so glad
852
00:39:19,578 --> 00:39:22,462
you joined us for this beginning second
853
00:39:22,516 --> 00:39:25,122
half of the show. Not 1 second before
854
00:39:25,176 --> 00:39:27,730
this, we will get banned from all the
855
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:30,790
streaming apps. Uh,
856
00:39:30,790 --> 00:39:33,762
welcome back. We're so happy that you're still with us
857
00:39:33,896 --> 00:39:36,680
in this, the year of our lord 2024.
858
00:39:37,210 --> 00:39:39,174
Now it's time for the first
859
00:39:39,212 --> 00:39:42,054
installment. What's become the
860
00:39:42,092 --> 00:39:44,760
official podcast segment of 2024?
861
00:39:45,290 --> 00:39:46,760
It's Fredline news.
862
00:39:48,570 --> 00:39:49,720
Fredline news.
863
00:39:57,390 --> 00:39:58,186
Oh, that's right.
864
00:39:58,208 --> 00:40:00,330
>> Freddy: I forgot about that. The graphic.
865
00:40:01,890 --> 00:40:04,160
I'll do the graphics when we come out.
866
00:40:07,950 --> 00:40:10,574
>> Parker: Uh, sponsored by Bang Bros. Which
867
00:40:10,612 --> 00:40:13,486
Fred. Uh, bras. Which Fred
868
00:40:13,518 --> 00:40:16,046
may have been patronizing a sponsor
869
00:40:16,238 --> 00:40:18,242
before the break came out, right?
870
00:40:18,296 --> 00:40:18,900
>> Freddy: Yeah.
871
00:40:23,670 --> 00:40:26,040
So, Fred, la News number
872
00:40:30,490 --> 00:40:32,760
it's the beginning of the new year,
873
00:40:33,610 --> 00:40:36,310
and you ever wanted to
874
00:40:36,380 --> 00:40:39,158
go like, uh, one of these Hollywood New Year's
875
00:40:39,174 --> 00:40:41,898
Eve parties where everything so
876
00:40:41,984 --> 00:40:43,594
swanky and there's full.
877
00:40:43,632 --> 00:40:45,642
>> Parker: Of celebrities I have not.
878
00:40:45,696 --> 00:40:47,798
>> Freddy: Just a great party.
879
00:40:47,974 --> 00:40:50,942
Well, I'm going to tell you about one
880
00:40:50,996 --> 00:40:53,902
new year's Eve party that pulled out
881
00:40:53,956 --> 00:40:56,702
all the stops. And this was
882
00:40:56,836 --> 00:40:59,790
Donald Trump's new year's Eve party.
883
00:41:00,130 --> 00:41:02,974
Yeah, man at Mar
884
00:41:03,012 --> 00:41:04,340
a man.
885
00:41:04,570 --> 00:41:06,270
Uh,
886
00:41:06,890 --> 00:41:09,778
uh, he had a band. He
887
00:41:09,784 --> 00:41:12,594
had, he had food and all that good stuff. But
888
00:41:12,632 --> 00:41:15,530
the headliner for the president's,
889
00:41:15,530 --> 00:41:18,402
uh, New Year's Eve party at Mar a Lago
890
00:41:18,546 --> 00:41:20,994
was none other than vanilla
891
00:41:21,042 --> 00:41:21,750
ice.
892
00:41:22,650 --> 00:41:25,282
>> Parker: No shit. Really big fan.
893
00:41:25,426 --> 00:41:26,310
Damn.
894
00:41:26,890 --> 00:41:29,338
>> Freddy: And also
895
00:41:29,424 --> 00:41:32,182
featuring one teenage
896
00:41:32,246 --> 00:41:33,690
mutant Ninja Turtle.
897
00:41:38,350 --> 00:41:40,090
Had to be Donatello.
898
00:41:44,190 --> 00:41:46,986
>> Parker: I was going to ask, who do you think the most conservative ninja turtle
899
00:41:47,018 --> 00:41:48,910
is? I would not say michelangelo.
900
00:41:49,410 --> 00:41:51,690
>> Freddy: Raphael. It had to be Raphael.
901
00:41:51,770 --> 00:41:53,780
>> Parker: Raphael was the crazy. Yeah, you're right.
902
00:41:55,030 --> 00:41:57,570
He was m the most prone to random acts of violence.
903
00:42:01,430 --> 00:42:03,170
One of the ninja Turtles,
904
00:42:04,710 --> 00:42:05,860
one of them.
905
00:42:09,350 --> 00:42:10,340
>> Freddy: Did the.
906
00:42:14,150 --> 00:42:15,930
>> Parker: Probably changed it to be like go maga.
907
00:42:15,930 --> 00:42:18,870
>> Freddy: Uh, it was like the only two songs he had.
908
00:42:18,940 --> 00:42:20,710
It was ice size, baby,
909
00:42:21,770 --> 00:42:22,338
straight back.
910
00:42:22,364 --> 00:42:24,886
>> Parker: In the turtle rap or whatever. And then right back into ice. Ice, baby.
911
00:42:24,918 --> 00:42:27,546
>> Freddy: For 3 hours there was video and
912
00:42:27,568 --> 00:42:28,042
everything.
913
00:42:28,176 --> 00:42:29,546
>> Parker: Oh, I can't wait to not even.
914
00:42:29,568 --> 00:42:31,760
>> Freddy: Donald Trump in the back doing his little
915
00:42:32,450 --> 00:42:34,750
stiff president dance.
916
00:42:36,130 --> 00:42:38,000
>> Parker: They all do the stiff president.
917
00:42:39,170 --> 00:42:41,200
That's just his white guy dance, man.
918
00:42:42,050 --> 00:42:42,990
>> Freddy: Don't feel bad.
919
00:42:43,060 --> 00:42:45,850
>> Parker: I realized Fred today, and I'm sorry to take away from bang bras,
920
00:42:45,930 --> 00:42:48,894
but, uh, I realized today that I
921
00:42:48,932 --> 00:42:51,866
created and then failed immediately. Failed
922
00:42:51,978 --> 00:42:54,880
a white guy test today because I got,
923
00:42:55,290 --> 00:42:58,246
my kids were like, your car smells like farts. And I'm like, well, it's because you guys
924
00:42:58,268 --> 00:43:01,094
all smell bad and you fart all the time. So I got some air
925
00:43:01,132 --> 00:43:03,734
fresheners, right? Like the little
926
00:43:03,772 --> 00:43:06,758
trees. I put it in and I followed the instructions and I hung it
927
00:43:06,764 --> 00:43:09,698
up and I just put a little bit of it out and, uh, my kids were
928
00:43:09,724 --> 00:43:12,694
like, why is the bag on there? And I'm like, because that's what the instructions
929
00:43:12,742 --> 00:43:15,482
say, kids. And then I was like, I'm so
930
00:43:15,536 --> 00:43:16,140
white.
931
00:43:19,070 --> 00:43:21,946
You're not supposed to take that. I know that. You're not supposed to just rip
932
00:43:21,978 --> 00:43:24,702
the damn bag off. But that's what everybody does,
933
00:43:24,836 --> 00:43:25,230
right?
934
00:43:25,300 --> 00:43:28,180
>> Freddy: Yeah. Let me guess, uh,
935
00:43:28,180 --> 00:43:29,082
black eyed.
936
00:43:29,226 --> 00:43:32,222
>> Parker: No, it's not black ice. Uh, it's more
937
00:43:32,276 --> 00:43:35,054
white color evergreen.
938
00:43:35,182 --> 00:43:36,370
It's vanilla,
939
00:43:38,870 --> 00:43:39,970
my favorite.
940
00:43:41,510 --> 00:43:43,940
It's the most adventurous thing I could think of.
941
00:43:45,910 --> 00:43:48,406
Vanilla smells good. Shut up. So you got the tree. The
942
00:43:48,428 --> 00:43:50,630
vanilla tree. Yeah. Vanilla tree.
943
00:43:51,290 --> 00:43:52,790
Great name for this episode.
944
00:43:54,650 --> 00:43:56,646
Might just be the name of this episode. Actually.
945
00:43:56,748 --> 00:43:58,540
>> Freddy: That is the whitest thing you've ever done.
946
00:43:58,540 --> 00:44:01,446
>> Parker: Uh, that's what I said. And I said to
947
00:44:01,468 --> 00:44:03,194
myself, speaking of.
948
00:44:03,232 --> 00:44:05,482
>> Freddy: White people doing white things, here we go.
949
00:44:05,536 --> 00:44:07,500
>> Parker: I knew that. And that's why I led this in.
950
00:44:09,310 --> 00:44:12,254
>> Freddy: Matt, I know you're one of those guys who like to
951
00:44:12,452 --> 00:44:15,034
join really exclusive
952
00:44:15,082 --> 00:44:15,680
clubs.
953
00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:16,686
>> Parker: Um, absolutely.
954
00:44:16,868 --> 00:44:19,114
>> Freddy: Things that, really weird shit.
955
00:44:19,242 --> 00:44:21,982
>> Parker: Remember when I tried to join that club not too long ago?
956
00:44:22,116 --> 00:44:24,606
>> Freddy: Exactly. So I'm going to give
957
00:44:24,628 --> 00:44:27,394
you a weird exclusive club that you could
958
00:44:27,432 --> 00:44:30,402
join and all you got to do is go to this place
959
00:44:30,456 --> 00:44:32,946
and take a drink and suck your and you'll be part of
960
00:44:32,968 --> 00:44:35,862
it. This exclusive club is
961
00:44:35,916 --> 00:44:38,546
called the Sour
962
00:44:38,578 --> 00:44:40,440
toe. Hold on.
963
00:44:45,290 --> 00:44:47,800
>> Parker: Too white to be sucking on those. No, I don't care.
964
00:44:48,330 --> 00:44:51,206
>> Freddy: Hold on. Uh, shit. I just fucking had it. Where is
965
00:44:51,228 --> 00:44:51,814
it at?
966
00:44:51,932 --> 00:44:54,138
>> Parker: See, I already know that's how white I am, but I already know what?
967
00:44:54,144 --> 00:44:56,806
>> Freddy: The sour toe cocktail club. The sour toe
968
00:44:56,838 --> 00:44:57,846
cocktail club.
969
00:44:57,958 --> 00:45:00,910
>> Parker: I'm sucking on some old dude. Dead dude's fucking toe.
970
00:45:03,010 --> 00:45:05,886
I don't have to know. I know why else
971
00:45:05,908 --> 00:45:08,814
would you name your club that? What is it?
972
00:45:08,852 --> 00:45:10,346
Sour toe cocktail.
973
00:45:10,378 --> 00:45:13,220
>> Freddy: It's got toe and cock in the same.
974
00:45:16,070 --> 00:45:19,060
>> Parker: Not sucking an old dude either one of those things.
975
00:45:19,590 --> 00:45:21,620
>> Freddy: That's like my toe talk.
976
00:45:24,070 --> 00:45:24,674
>> Parker: Either way.
977
00:45:24,712 --> 00:45:27,582
>> Freddy: One way you got a toe, Raymond
978
00:45:27,646 --> 00:45:28,850
cocktoe.
979
00:45:30,650 --> 00:45:33,254
>> Parker: Tell me about this club that I will definitely not be
980
00:45:33,292 --> 00:45:34,840
joining until I.
981
00:45:36,090 --> 00:45:38,934
>> Freddy: In the 1920s, uh, uh, a pair of
982
00:45:38,972 --> 00:45:41,910
brothers, rum running brothers,
983
00:45:42,070 --> 00:45:43,850
they got caught in a blizzard.
984
00:45:45,870 --> 00:45:48,662
One guy put his foot through a patch of ice
985
00:45:48,726 --> 00:45:51,398
and soaked his foot. When
986
00:45:51,504 --> 00:45:54,142
brothers got back to their cabin, that
987
00:45:54,196 --> 00:45:57,150
foot was frozen solid.
988
00:45:57,490 --> 00:46:00,362
So to prevent gang green, the other brother
989
00:46:00,506 --> 00:46:03,454
cut off the man's toes, uh, and
990
00:46:03,492 --> 00:46:05,294
he put him in a jar of alcohol.
991
00:46:05,422 --> 00:46:06,100
>> Parker: Sure.
992
00:46:06,630 --> 00:46:08,994
>> Freddy: So now, in
993
00:46:09,032 --> 00:46:11,934
1973, the legend has it that Captain Dick
994
00:46:11,982 --> 00:46:14,446
Stevenson found that jar
995
00:46:14,638 --> 00:46:16,030
and the toes.
996
00:46:16,190 --> 00:46:16,658
>> Parker: Sure.
997
00:46:16,744 --> 00:46:19,686
>> Freddy: In a remote cabin. He came up with
998
00:46:19,708 --> 00:46:22,354
the idea of the sour toe cocktail
999
00:46:22,402 --> 00:46:22,898
club.
1000
00:46:22,994 --> 00:46:25,878
>> Parker: See, that's where we go wrong. Why would you be
1001
00:46:25,884 --> 00:46:28,634
like, oh, I noticed that there are some fucking dead ass toes in this
1002
00:46:28,672 --> 00:46:31,530
drink, bro. Let me start a thing.
1003
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:34,538
>> Freddy: It's the Yukon. They ain't got shit else to
1004
00:46:34,544 --> 00:46:34,810
do.
1005
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:37,650
>> Parker: Uh oh, it's in, uh.
1006
00:46:39,390 --> 00:46:42,286
Yeah, the Yukon territory is in Canada. Well, that makes a lot
1007
00:46:42,308 --> 00:46:42,926
more sense.
1008
00:46:43,028 --> 00:46:44,500
>> Freddy: Yeah. Uh,
1009
00:46:45,330 --> 00:46:48,010
so they still have these. Totes.
1010
00:46:48,090 --> 00:46:48,720
>> Parker: Sure.
1011
00:46:49,650 --> 00:46:52,000
>> Freddy: And all you have to do to be
1012
00:46:54,230 --> 00:46:57,106
in the club is you have to
1013
00:46:57,128 --> 00:47:00,020
take a drink at the bar in it.
1014
00:47:02,950 --> 00:47:04,350
>> Parker: Go ahead, tell me who the rule.
1015
00:47:04,430 --> 00:47:07,126
>> Freddy: Okay, there's only one rule. You could drink it
1016
00:47:07,148 --> 00:47:10,134
fast, you could drink it slow, but your
1017
00:47:10,172 --> 00:47:12,550
lips must touch that gnarly toe.
1018
00:47:13,210 --> 00:47:15,942
>> Parker: You know why they make you do that, Alan? Because
1019
00:47:15,996 --> 00:47:18,426
that bar is the toast of the
1020
00:47:18,448 --> 00:47:19,130
town.
1021
00:47:26,830 --> 00:47:27,980
>> Freddy: There it is.
1022
00:47:28,670 --> 00:47:31,606
>> Parker: Deserved it. Worth it, though. Well, that's
1023
00:47:31,638 --> 00:47:34,606
disgusting. And I'll never go to Canada. Or there for
1024
00:47:34,628 --> 00:47:35,022
that matter.
1025
00:47:35,076 --> 00:47:37,774
>> Freddy: They said 2013. One man swallowed one of the
1026
00:47:37,812 --> 00:47:38,394
toes.
1027
00:47:38,522 --> 00:47:39,680
>> Parker: See, look at that.
1028
00:47:41,410 --> 00:47:43,006
>> Freddy: He was run out of town.
1029
00:47:43,118 --> 00:47:43,780
>> Parker: Sure.
1030
00:47:46,470 --> 00:47:47,940
>> Freddy: They pooped it out.
1031
00:47:49,910 --> 00:47:52,654
>> Parker: Of town. They ran him out of town on, uh, a tow
1032
00:47:52,702 --> 00:47:53,410
truck.
1033
00:47:57,930 --> 00:47:59,030
Hilarious.
1034
00:47:59,850 --> 00:48:01,270
>> Freddy: Totally funny.
1035
00:48:03,850 --> 00:48:06,360
>> Parker: Kick me in the dick, man. Just go ahead,
1036
00:48:09,630 --> 00:48:11,100
freeze my dick off.
1037
00:48:14,750 --> 00:48:17,574
All right, so bang bros. Bang bras.
1038
00:48:17,702 --> 00:48:20,640
Bang bras. Number three.
1039
00:48:22,370 --> 00:48:24,990
>> Freddy: So woman. Oh, shit.
1040
00:48:28,610 --> 00:48:30,574
No, can't do that one.
1041
00:48:30,612 --> 00:48:31,200
>> Parker: No.
1042
00:48:31,570 --> 00:48:34,466
>> Freddy: Okay, well, no, that one's off. No,
1043
00:48:34,488 --> 00:48:35,234
I can't do that one.
1044
00:48:35,272 --> 00:48:38,002
>> Parker: It's not breaking enough. That fredline news was not breaking enough
1045
00:48:38,056 --> 00:48:38,562
for us.
1046
00:48:38,616 --> 00:48:39,220
>> Freddy: No,
1047
00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:42,754
um. Oh,
1048
00:48:42,792 --> 00:48:43,380
no.
1049
00:48:45,670 --> 00:48:47,270
>> Parker: There'S no more Fred lines.
1050
00:48:48,410 --> 00:48:50,520
>> Freddy: Okay, breaking news.
1051
00:48:51,130 --> 00:48:52,280
Breaking news.
1052
00:48:53,610 --> 00:48:56,230
A doctor is suspended
1053
00:48:57,050 --> 00:48:59,500
for punching his patient in the face.
1054
00:49:00,110 --> 00:49:01,900
>> Parker: Was he an herbal guy?
1055
00:49:05,870 --> 00:49:08,538
>> Freddy: It was a basketball practice. An herbal doctor in a
1056
00:49:08,544 --> 00:49:09,770
basketball practice.
1057
00:49:11,730 --> 00:49:14,590
>> Parker: Punch you in the face. Make sure to rub some human
1058
00:49:14,660 --> 00:49:15,440
on it.
1059
00:49:18,290 --> 00:49:21,246
>> Freddy: So, uh, uh, chinese authority have initiated an
1060
00:49:21,268 --> 00:49:24,126
investigation after a video of a doctor punching a patient in
1061
00:49:24,148 --> 00:49:26,846
the face during surgery went viral.
1062
00:49:26,958 --> 00:49:28,350
>> Parker: Oh, but it was in China.
1063
00:49:28,510 --> 00:49:29,390
>> Freddy: It was in China.
1064
00:49:29,470 --> 00:49:31,700
>> Parker: So the guy was knocked out and.
1065
00:49:32,230 --> 00:49:34,740
>> Freddy: He punched him in the face? I don't know.
1066
00:49:35,290 --> 00:49:38,178
I'm pretty sure he was unconscious.
1067
00:49:38,354 --> 00:49:39,080
>> Parker: Sure.
1068
00:49:39,530 --> 00:49:42,518
>> Freddy: They immediately terminated the doctor and compensated the
1069
00:49:42,524 --> 00:49:45,400
patient's family when the video went viral. Hospital, uh,
1070
00:49:45,842 --> 00:49:48,566
patient took note of the incident. Suspended
1071
00:49:48,598 --> 00:49:51,146
doctor and CEO surgery. Punched the
1072
00:49:51,168 --> 00:49:53,210
82 year old woman
1073
00:49:54,270 --> 00:49:55,900
at least three times.
1074
00:49:59,970 --> 00:50:02,778
Three times? Hold on. I'm
1075
00:50:02,794 --> 00:50:05,514
getting there. It don't
1076
00:50:05,562 --> 00:50:06,160
say.
1077
00:50:08,050 --> 00:50:09,680
>> Parker: Just make something up.
1078
00:50:10,610 --> 00:50:11,870
>> Freddy: She farted.
1079
00:50:14,050 --> 00:50:16,794
>> Parker: Fair enough. Uh, if your doctor
1080
00:50:16,842 --> 00:50:18,720
punches you three times in the face.
1081
00:50:19,810 --> 00:50:20,526
On it.
1082
00:50:20,628 --> 00:50:22,510
>> Freddy: $700 in damages.
1083
00:50:22,930 --> 00:50:25,686
>> Parker: $700 for three? But that's a deal. Old
1084
00:50:25,868 --> 00:50:28,230
shit on a doctor's salary.
1085
00:50:30,650 --> 00:50:33,590
If I get to punch an old lady in the face three times for only
1086
00:50:33,660 --> 00:50:34,920
$700.
1087
00:50:37,130 --> 00:50:40,130
>> Freddy: Bargain, dude, I'm just surprised
1088
00:50:40,290 --> 00:50:42,790
China would be like, that's all right. No big deal.
1089
00:50:42,860 --> 00:50:44,040
>> Parker: We've all been there.
1090
00:50:47,290 --> 00:50:49,686
I'm into it. What's that
1091
00:50:49,708 --> 00:50:51,774
doctor? Doctor's name
1092
00:50:51,812 --> 00:51:03,706
Wasai.
1093
00:51:03,818 --> 00:51:06,286
You made me say that because you made me feel the dead
1094
00:51:06,318 --> 00:51:06,900
air.
1095
00:51:07,670 --> 00:51:08,418
>> Freddy: I'm sorry.
1096
00:51:08,504 --> 00:51:11,362
>> Parker: Only thing that could come to my mind was, what could his name be? And
1097
00:51:11,416 --> 00:51:12,660
that was the first thing.
1098
00:51:23,290 --> 00:51:23,606
>> Freddy: I.
1099
00:51:23,628 --> 00:51:25,762
>> Parker: Hope that the champ doesn't come on next week and beat.
1100
00:51:25,826 --> 00:51:28,394
>> Freddy: Oh, my God. Uh, an
1101
00:51:28,432 --> 00:51:31,258
attorney is suspended for pooping in a
1102
00:51:31,264 --> 00:51:34,026
Pringles can and leaving it in the
1103
00:51:34,048 --> 00:51:36,700
victim advocates parking lot.
1104
00:51:40,610 --> 00:51:42,638
>> Parker: Once you pop, can't stop.
1105
00:51:42,724 --> 00:51:45,520
>> Freddy: Dude, uh, what kind of shit was that?
1106
00:51:50,370 --> 00:51:53,098
>> Parker: You don't think that your poop would fit in a Pringles can?
1107
00:51:53,204 --> 00:51:55,170
>> Freddy: Dude, that takes some massive chips.
1108
00:51:59,190 --> 00:52:01,554
You got to put it like a tight seal over the
1109
00:52:01,592 --> 00:52:02,238
hole.
1110
00:52:02,270 --> 00:52:04,900
>> Parker: Uh, right. That's what I'm saying. It's like a whole.
1111
00:52:05,590 --> 00:52:08,118
>> Freddy: If you get that tight seal, you're going to have to put a
1112
00:52:08,124 --> 00:52:08,680
little.
1113
00:52:10,970 --> 00:52:12,120
>> Parker: Work, man.
1114
00:52:13,610 --> 00:52:15,014
>> Freddy: I'll give it to the lawyer, man.
1115
00:52:15,052 --> 00:52:16,150
>> Parker: You're determined.
1116
00:52:16,650 --> 00:52:19,554
>> Freddy: Ohio supreme court suspended attorney who defecated
1117
00:52:19,602 --> 00:52:22,534
into a Pringles potato chip candidate tossed it into a parking
1118
00:52:22,582 --> 00:52:25,046
lot, uh, of a crime victim's
1119
00:52:25,078 --> 00:52:27,526
advocacy center. Criminal defense
1120
00:52:27,558 --> 00:52:29,718
attorney Jack a. Blakesley
1121
00:52:29,814 --> 00:52:32,494
conducted called into questions his
1122
00:52:32,532 --> 00:52:35,354
fitness, uh, to practice law, and the court
1123
00:52:35,402 --> 00:52:38,378
decided that he was unfit to practice law. That's
1124
00:52:38,394 --> 00:52:39,600
what it was. Okay.
1125
00:52:41,090 --> 00:52:43,746
You said he didn't target anyone, but had a
1126
00:52:43,768 --> 00:52:46,574
habit of putting his feces in Pringles
1127
00:52:46,622 --> 00:52:49,474
cans and randomly throwing them from
1128
00:52:49,512 --> 00:52:50,340
his car.
1129
00:52:53,190 --> 00:52:55,942
He claimed he pulled the Pringles prank at least
1130
00:52:55,996 --> 00:52:57,480
ten times last year.
1131
00:52:57,850 --> 00:53:00,440
>> Parker: Oh, my God, that's worse. Yeah.
1132
00:53:01,370 --> 00:53:02,470
>> Freddy: Ten times. Yeah.
1133
00:53:02,540 --> 00:53:04,150
>> Parker: Imagine that was your cake.
1134
00:53:12,190 --> 00:53:15,066
>> Freddy: That's funny. We're all out of Pringles cans. All we got is
1135
00:53:15,088 --> 00:53:17,370
these laid stacks. No, it must be Pringles.
1136
00:53:19,790 --> 00:53:21,180
>> Parker: This will never work
1137
00:53:22,750 --> 00:53:24,366
because, you know, some homeless guy is going to be.
1138
00:53:24,388 --> 00:53:26,394
>> Freddy: Like, well, see, that's.
1139
00:53:26,442 --> 00:53:29,110
>> Parker: That's what I was wondering. Does he leave the, uh,
1140
00:53:29,110 --> 00:53:32,046
freshness seal on top of it? Does he only take it
1141
00:53:32,068 --> 00:53:34,770
off halfway and then put it back on and seal it? Someone
1142
00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:36,310
thinks it is, like, a legit.
1143
00:53:36,310 --> 00:53:36,730
>> Freddy: Ah.
1144
00:53:36,734 --> 00:53:38,930
>> Parker: Because that is, if you're expecting Pringles
1145
00:53:39,430 --> 00:53:41,010
and you get dingles,
1146
00:53:42,310 --> 00:53:44,802
you're going to be unhappy, you're going to have a bad
1147
00:53:44,856 --> 00:53:45,460
time.
1148
00:53:50,430 --> 00:53:52,934
>> Freddy: Uh, yeah, he got caught on
1149
00:53:52,972 --> 00:53:55,810
camera choosing, uh,
1150
00:53:56,242 --> 00:53:58,994
the haven of hope in Cambridge, Ohio, as his drop
1151
00:53:59,042 --> 00:53:59,750
zone.
1152
00:54:00,330 --> 00:54:03,158
>> Parker: Haven of hope? The haven of. Nope.
1153
00:54:03,254 --> 00:54:04,620
>> Freddy: Haven of hope.
1154
00:54:05,950 --> 00:54:08,858
>> Parker: That's probably what it was. Maybe he's, like, a little dyslexic. So he's like, I thought it
1155
00:54:08,864 --> 00:54:11,050
said once you poop, you can't stop. And it's.
1156
00:54:14,030 --> 00:54:16,958
No, it says, once you pop, he's a cop. What am
1157
00:54:16,964 --> 00:54:19,562
I, a lawyer? What am I, an accountant?
1158
00:54:19,706 --> 00:54:22,394
I'm a lawyer, damn it. Well, that's
1159
00:54:22,442 --> 00:54:25,406
weird in a lot of different ways. You said Ohio. That doesn't
1160
00:54:25,438 --> 00:54:25,922
surprise me.
1161
00:54:25,976 --> 00:54:27,234
>> Freddy: Ohio? Yeah.
1162
00:54:27,272 --> 00:54:29,460
>> Parker: That's not as shocking as you would think.
1163
00:54:29,990 --> 00:54:31,780
I just can't imagine, like,
1164
00:54:33,030 --> 00:54:35,214
that dude must really love Pringles.
1165
00:54:35,342 --> 00:54:36,946
>> Freddy: Yeah, I don't know. Why would.
1166
00:54:36,968 --> 00:54:39,858
>> Parker: He started it. That's what I want to
1167
00:54:39,864 --> 00:54:41,670
know. Was it like, a prank?
1168
00:54:42,570 --> 00:54:45,510
Like, his buddies were like, I bet you can't poop in sprinkle. Scared?
1169
00:54:48,430 --> 00:54:51,286
I sure can. And they're like, why don't you throw it in the parking
1170
00:54:51,318 --> 00:54:52,810
lot of a long John Silvers?
1171
00:54:53,390 --> 00:54:54,406
Hilarious.
1172
00:54:54,598 --> 00:54:57,530
>> Freddy: I got a better, uh, idea. The victim advocacy
1173
00:54:58,350 --> 00:54:59,420
group. Yeah.
1174
00:55:00,030 --> 00:55:02,926
>> Parker: He's like, you know who's been getting it too easy for too
1175
00:55:02,948 --> 00:55:03,470
long?
1176
00:55:03,620 --> 00:55:04,990
>> Freddy: Victims of crime.
1177
00:55:06,530 --> 00:55:09,466
>> Parker: They really need a shit sandwich. Can't have a shit
1178
00:55:09,498 --> 00:55:11,310
sandwich without side of chips.
1179
00:55:11,890 --> 00:55:14,510
>> Freddy: Side of chips. Uh
1180
00:55:14,590 --> 00:55:16,570
uh.
1181
00:55:16,570 --> 00:55:17,262
>> Parker: That's ridiculous.
1182
00:55:17,326 --> 00:55:20,226
>> Freddy: All right, I got one more. Or if you want
1183
00:55:20,248 --> 00:55:20,642
to end.
1184
00:55:20,696 --> 00:55:22,226
>> Parker: Oh, yeah, no, bring it on.
1185
00:55:22,248 --> 00:55:23,770
>> Freddy: Let's hear one more. Okay, uh,
1186
00:55:25,850 --> 00:55:28,838
this one's stupid. I think he
1187
00:55:28,844 --> 00:55:31,702
did it. The man who accidentally set his house on fire
1188
00:55:31,756 --> 00:55:34,166
by cooking a steak and a
1189
00:55:34,188 --> 00:55:37,142
toaster is unsatisfied with his
1190
00:55:37,196 --> 00:55:40,154
insurance payout. So,
1191
00:55:40,352 --> 00:55:42,902
evidently, this guy wanted a steak
1192
00:55:43,046 --> 00:55:45,786
and chips for dinner. This is in, uh, your
1193
00:55:45,808 --> 00:55:47,350
favorite place in New Zealand?
1194
00:55:47,510 --> 00:55:48,220
>> Parker: Sure.
1195
00:55:48,470 --> 00:55:51,306
>> Freddy: Uh, he
1196
00:55:51,328 --> 00:55:54,094
put his steak in the toaster and
1197
00:55:54,132 --> 00:55:57,086
left it to cook and went down the road to
1198
00:55:57,108 --> 00:55:59,242
buy some chips at his local chip.
1199
00:55:59,306 --> 00:56:00,730
>> Parker: Okay, so chips being fries.
1200
00:56:00,810 --> 00:56:03,726
>> Freddy: Fries, yes. And a fire broke
1201
00:56:03,758 --> 00:56:06,626
out, causing significant damage to the home.
1202
00:56:06,728 --> 00:56:07,380
>> Parker: Sure.
1203
00:56:08,230 --> 00:56:11,070
>> Freddy: The insurance, uh, accepted his claim,
1204
00:56:11,150 --> 00:56:12,002
was offering him
1205
00:56:12,056 --> 00:56:14,658
$418,000
1206
00:56:14,824 --> 00:56:17,794
to rebuild his home, and he
1207
00:56:17,832 --> 00:56:18,790
said it wasn't enough.
1208
00:56:18,860 --> 00:56:20,120
>> Parker: New Zealand dollars.
1209
00:56:21,690 --> 00:56:24,534
I don't know what the difference is. Um, that's a lot of money, though.
1210
00:56:24,572 --> 00:56:25,814
>> Freddy: But still a lot of money.
1211
00:56:25,932 --> 00:56:28,762
>> Parker: That's too much money for you to try and cook a steak on
1212
00:56:28,816 --> 00:56:31,706
a toast. M if
1213
00:56:31,728 --> 00:56:34,266
your house is worth 400 something, $1,000.
1214
00:56:34,448 --> 00:56:36,540
Toaster steaks are probably not,
1215
00:56:39,630 --> 00:56:40,380
right?
1216
00:56:41,330 --> 00:56:43,982
>> Freddy: Toaster steaks. Maybe a toaster is
1217
00:56:44,036 --> 00:56:45,326
slang for something different.
1218
00:56:45,428 --> 00:56:46,398
>> Parker: No, it's not.
1219
00:56:46,484 --> 00:56:46,830
>> Freddy: It's not.
1220
00:56:46,830 --> 00:56:49,790
>> Parker: Uh, toaster has never been slang for anything else than a
1221
00:56:49,860 --> 00:56:50,650
toaster.
1222
00:56:50,810 --> 00:56:53,326
>> Freddy: A toaster. Maybe that's the
1223
00:56:53,348 --> 00:56:54,190
microwave.
1224
00:56:55,830 --> 00:56:58,594
>> Parker: It wouldn't do that, though, right, would it?
1225
00:56:58,632 --> 00:56:59,860
Let's go find out.
1226
00:57:00,470 --> 00:57:02,770
>> Freddy: Maybe he had it wrapped in foil.
1227
00:57:03,110 --> 00:57:05,766
>> Parker: My son, uh, tried to
1228
00:57:05,788 --> 00:57:08,230
cook cinnamon rolls in the microwave
1229
00:57:09,050 --> 00:57:10,230
that failed.
1230
00:57:12,810 --> 00:57:15,766
Very. Yeah. Okay, so here
1231
00:57:15,788 --> 00:57:18,220
you go. A toaster in New Zealand is
1232
00:57:18,990 --> 00:57:21,210
a toaster. A toaster?
1233
00:57:21,410 --> 00:57:24,250
Ah, yeah, it's totally toaster.
1234
00:57:24,590 --> 00:57:27,162
>> Freddy: The band complained to the
1235
00:57:27,216 --> 00:57:30,038
IFSO and argued the insurance should
1236
00:57:30,064 --> 00:57:32,734
pay them an extra $200,000,
1237
00:57:32,932 --> 00:57:35,694
saying they were not aware that their policy had changed from
1238
00:57:35,732 --> 00:57:37,930
placement coverage to total sum
1239
00:57:38,010 --> 00:57:39,630
insured. Uh,
1240
00:57:40,690 --> 00:57:43,106
total sum. That means it was a lot more than
1241
00:57:43,128 --> 00:57:45,858
$400,000 in damages. Well, they said.
1242
00:57:45,944 --> 00:57:48,750
Yeah, but the house was only valued
1243
00:57:48,830 --> 00:57:50,210
at $400.
1244
00:57:50,280 --> 00:57:50,900
>> Parker: Right.
1245
00:57:53,510 --> 00:57:56,340
>> Freddy: Or it was saying that at the time that the house was.
1246
00:57:56,950 --> 00:57:59,558
Yeah. It's not giving in the factor of cost to
1247
00:57:59,564 --> 00:58:01,474
rebuild the house. Some stupid.
1248
00:58:01,522 --> 00:58:04,070
>> Parker: Okay, so you only get the value. What's the difference between total
1249
00:58:04,140 --> 00:58:06,534
sum and replacement cost?
1250
00:58:06,732 --> 00:58:09,270
>> Freddy: Well, the total sum is, uh, what's going to cost
1251
00:58:09,340 --> 00:58:12,266
him. So the total sum that's going to
1252
00:58:12,288 --> 00:58:14,620
cost him is over $400,000.
1253
00:58:15,470 --> 00:58:18,426
Okay, so they're giving them what they think
1254
00:58:18,448 --> 00:58:20,714
the value is going to be is $400,000. Right.
1255
00:58:20,752 --> 00:58:23,022
>> Parker: They're not giving them the value to rebuild it.
1256
00:58:23,156 --> 00:58:24,014
>> Freddy: Right? Yeah.
1257
00:58:24,052 --> 00:58:24,302
>> Parker: Okay.
1258
00:58:24,356 --> 00:58:26,702
>> Freddy: The cost of rebuild it is more different
1259
00:58:26,756 --> 00:58:29,454
house. Sell the
1260
00:58:29,492 --> 00:58:30,078
lot.
1261
00:58:30,244 --> 00:58:33,086
>> Parker: Yeah, dude, I have a better toaster. Yeah,
1262
00:58:33,108 --> 00:58:36,046
buy a better toaster. George Foreman,
1263
00:58:36,078 --> 00:58:37,250
for Christ's sake.
1264
00:58:38,150 --> 00:58:41,054
>> Freddy: I got a hot dog toaster for Christmas. Worst
1265
00:58:41,102 --> 00:58:43,662
invention ever, man. It's so fucking stupid.
1266
00:58:43,726 --> 00:58:45,450
>> Parker: But your hot dogs have never been toastier.
1267
00:58:45,550 --> 00:58:47,560
>> Freddy: No, they're cold in the middle,
1268
00:58:48,650 --> 00:58:51,506
but the bread was burnt. The bun
1269
00:58:51,538 --> 00:58:54,310
was burnt. Worst.
1270
00:58:54,890 --> 00:58:57,494
>> Parker: I had some hot dogs last, and they were
1271
00:58:57,532 --> 00:59:00,346
fucking awesome. Um, I had hot dogs the other day, too. And I was
1272
00:59:00,368 --> 00:59:03,334
like, yeah, thanks to our budy Dave
1273
00:59:03,382 --> 00:59:03,980
from.
1274
00:59:06,510 --> 00:59:09,498
Yeah, I've been craving it. So some of the guys from my work are going down. They
1275
00:59:09,504 --> 00:59:12,474
have a showing in Florence this week. And I was like,
1276
00:59:12,512 --> 00:59:15,406
listen, you go to Florence, you get these
1277
00:59:15,428 --> 00:59:17,360
hot dogs, you tell them I sent you.
1278
00:59:18,610 --> 00:59:21,120
We won't do that. I was like, well, you're going to do it.
1279
00:59:21,490 --> 00:59:23,534
>> Freddy: You're missed, right?
1280
00:59:23,652 --> 00:59:26,466
>> Parker: I thought told. I was like, you're going to miss out because I'm sure these are excellent hot
1281
00:59:26,488 --> 00:59:27,102
dogs.
1282
00:59:27,246 --> 00:59:28,850
>> Freddy: Dude probably hooked you up.
1283
00:59:28,920 --> 00:59:31,762
>> Parker: Yeah, he totally would have told him that. The BLC special,
1284
00:59:31,816 --> 00:59:32,850
was it throwing
1285
00:59:35,110 --> 00:59:38,018
special? You're going to
1286
00:59:38,024 --> 00:59:38,686
love it.
1287
00:59:38,808 --> 00:59:41,240
>> Freddy: Make m him this delicious looking hot dog.
1288
00:59:45,930 --> 00:59:47,560
That'll be $6.
1289
00:59:50,010 --> 00:59:51,480
>> Parker: You asked for it.
1290
00:59:52,010 --> 00:59:52,594
>> Freddy: All uh, right.
1291
00:59:52,652 --> 00:59:54,054
>> Parker: Compliments of the BLC.
1292
00:59:54,182 --> 00:59:56,602
Anyway, so that was your last
1293
00:59:56,656 --> 00:59:57,238
friendline?
1294
00:59:57,334 --> 01:00:00,294
>> Freddy: Yes, that was my, uh, friendline news sponsored
1295
01:00:00,342 --> 01:00:02,238
by bang bra.
1296
01:00:02,404 --> 01:00:05,214
>> Parker: I just can't. My
1297
01:00:05,252 --> 01:00:07,998
brain is having issues with that, with the poop thing
1298
01:00:08,084 --> 01:00:10,926
still. I
1299
01:00:10,948 --> 01:00:13,742
just don't understand. I do understand the logistics
1300
01:00:13,806 --> 01:00:16,580
of pooping in something.
1301
01:00:16,830 --> 01:00:19,806
Uh, it just feels like a really weird thing to be pooping
1302
01:00:19,838 --> 01:00:21,620
in, that's all. Yeah,
1303
01:00:23,190 --> 01:00:24,386
because you're going to get some.
1304
01:00:24,408 --> 01:00:25,640
>> Freddy: Shit on your hands.
1305
01:00:27,770 --> 01:00:30,726
>> Parker: Where does he do it? Yeah, does
1306
01:00:30,748 --> 01:00:33,458
he go to a toilet and teeter, put the pringle
1307
01:00:33,474 --> 01:00:35,350
skin in the toilet and then poop?
1308
01:00:37,930 --> 01:00:40,918
Or does he just like, is it in his car? Because, I mean, if
1309
01:00:40,924 --> 01:00:43,070
he's putting it in people's yards,
1310
01:00:43,070 --> 01:00:46,026
uh, or whatever, or parking lots, it has
1311
01:00:46,048 --> 01:00:47,706
to have been traveling in the car at some point.
1312
01:00:47,728 --> 01:00:50,718
>> Freddy: What if he gets down on his hands and knees and just sticks the
1313
01:00:50,804 --> 01:00:53,594
can back there? Try to catch
1314
01:00:53,642 --> 01:00:54,240
it?
1315
01:00:55,730 --> 01:00:58,282
>> Parker: That's so weird. Okay, well, that's weird.
1316
01:00:58,346 --> 01:01:00,320
Well, bang bros, you did it again.
1317
01:01:02,550 --> 01:01:05,378
Just when I thought, oh, this isn't going to
1318
01:01:05,384 --> 01:01:07,886
get weirder, you come out and you surprise
1319
01:01:07,918 --> 01:01:10,866
us with the Fredline newss that you
1320
01:01:10,888 --> 01:01:13,170
sent to us. Bang bros.
1321
01:01:15,050 --> 01:01:15,800
Remember,
1322
01:01:17,530 --> 01:01:20,422
uh, trying to shit in a Pringles can? Nothing
1323
01:01:20,476 --> 01:01:23,030
covers the scent more than some nice tarragon
1324
01:01:27,870 --> 01:01:30,742
terragon. More like make the poop
1325
01:01:30,806 --> 01:01:31,420
gone.
1326
01:01:32,260 --> 01:01:34,714
>> Freddy: Um, poopy gone.
1327
01:01:34,912 --> 01:01:37,846
>> Parker: That's right. Well, Fred,
1328
01:01:38,038 --> 01:01:40,778
that was great. And that's the end of
1329
01:01:40,944 --> 01:01:43,206
bang bras. Fredline news, sponsored by Bang
1330
01:01:43,238 --> 01:01:46,186
Bras. Alan's going to do the thing now or.
1331
01:01:46,208 --> 01:01:49,118
No, he's not. He's not going to do the thing. He promised to do
1332
01:01:49,124 --> 01:01:52,078
the thing and he didn't do the thing again. No, I'm not going to
1333
01:01:52,084 --> 01:01:54,926
do the thing. Too late now. I'm not
1334
01:01:54,948 --> 01:01:56,960
doing it already, like five minutes later.
1335
01:01:57,270 --> 01:01:58,786
>> Freddy: I just decided not to do it.
1336
01:01:58,808 --> 01:02:00,114
>> Parker: I decided not to do it. That's right.
1337
01:02:00,152 --> 01:02:01,614
>> Freddy: I'm not going to do it because I don't.
1338
01:02:01,662 --> 01:02:02,260
>> Parker: Well.
1339
01:02:06,630 --> 01:02:07,650
>> Freddy: Relax.
1340
01:02:11,610 --> 01:02:14,040
>> Parker: Look at that news. Such news.
1341
01:02:16,410 --> 01:02:19,190
Now it will never leave the bang bros news.
1342
01:02:19,340 --> 01:02:22,246
Well, Fred, I would like to challenge you and Alan
1343
01:02:22,358 --> 01:02:25,126
real quick. I know we don't have a lot of time left in this episode,
1344
01:02:25,238 --> 01:02:27,994
but I would love to challenge you guys to
1345
01:02:28,032 --> 01:02:30,670
a. You laugh, you lose.
1346
01:02:31,330 --> 01:02:31,934
>> Freddy: Okay.
1347
01:02:32,052 --> 01:02:33,870
>> Parker: Inappropriate joke edition.
1348
01:02:35,250 --> 01:02:37,520
And they may not be inappropriate for some people,
1349
01:02:38,610 --> 01:02:40,798
but it's probably going to be a little
1350
01:02:40,804 --> 01:02:43,634
inappropriate. So I'll go
1351
01:02:43,672 --> 01:02:46,626
first, I'll read a joke, and
1352
01:02:46,648 --> 01:02:49,506
then you don't laugh, which
1353
01:02:49,528 --> 01:02:50,722
shouldn't be a problem. Really?
1354
01:02:50,776 --> 01:02:51,380
>> Freddy: No.
1355
01:02:51,990 --> 01:02:54,498
>> Parker: So let me find my first
1356
01:02:54,584 --> 01:02:57,378
hilarious joke. Okay.
1357
01:02:57,464 --> 01:03:00,358
A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a
1358
01:03:00,364 --> 01:03:03,234
half gallon of skim milk, two loaves of wheat bread,
1359
01:03:03,362 --> 01:03:05,638
one dozen organic eggs, and a thing of
1360
01:03:05,644 --> 01:03:08,399
carrots. She goes to the bundle of carrots, what do you
1361
01:03:08,399 --> 01:03:11,366
call a, um, group of carrots? A faggot
1362
01:03:11,398 --> 01:03:12,170
of carrots.
1363
01:03:14,110 --> 01:03:16,660
She goes to the checkout line and,
1364
01:03:16,660 --> 01:03:19,354
uh, the clerk says to her, oh, you must be
1365
01:03:19,392 --> 01:03:22,254
single. Amazed and flattered by the inside
1366
01:03:22,292 --> 01:03:24,766
of the clerk, the woman says, how could you
1367
01:03:24,788 --> 01:03:27,694
tell? And he returns and
1368
01:03:27,732 --> 01:03:30,110
says, oh, because you're fucking ugly.
1369
01:03:33,140 --> 01:03:35,360
Uh, you fucked me up with the faggot thing.
1370
01:03:39,990 --> 01:03:42,594
All right, here's another one. I'll give you another one.
1371
01:03:42,712 --> 01:03:45,186
Refresh your brain. Refresh your face
1372
01:03:45,368 --> 01:03:47,540
or whatever. Okay, ready?
1373
01:03:48,470 --> 01:03:51,154
Yeah. A married couple down on their luck. Fucking
1374
01:03:51,202 --> 01:03:51,910
ugly.
1375
01:03:54,570 --> 01:03:55,280
>> Freddy: There you go.
1376
01:03:55,280 --> 01:03:58,278
>> Parker: Uh, now it's still. I wish I could tell that
1377
01:03:58,284 --> 01:04:01,218
one again and make it better. Let me try that one again. Woman
1378
01:04:01,234 --> 01:04:04,106
is shopping in a group, picks up a half
1379
01:04:04,128 --> 01:04:06,806
gallon of skim milk, two loaves of wheat bread, one dozen
1380
01:04:06,838 --> 01:04:09,494
organic eggs and carrots. She goes to the checkout
1381
01:04:09,542 --> 01:04:11,900
line. You must be single. Clerk says,
1382
01:04:12,750 --> 01:04:15,662
I took that part out. You must be single. The clerk says,
1383
01:04:15,796 --> 01:04:18,634
amazed at the flattering inside of the clerk. The woman asks,
1384
01:04:18,682 --> 01:04:21,470
how could you tell? The clerk looks at her and says, oh,
1385
01:04:21,540 --> 01:04:23,390
because you're fucking ugly, bitch.
1386
01:04:25,170 --> 01:04:28,098
There we go. We tried to make it better. I don't know if it works. All
1387
01:04:28,104 --> 01:04:28,220
right.
1388
01:04:28,220 --> 01:04:28,720
>> Freddy: Uh.
1389
01:04:28,720 --> 01:04:31,522
>> Parker: A married couple down on their luck decides to make a few extra
1390
01:04:31,576 --> 01:04:34,402
bucks by reluctantly having
1391
01:04:34,456 --> 01:04:37,298
the wife work the corner. After the
1392
01:04:37,304 --> 01:04:40,038
first day, the husband picks her up and asks, how'd you do?
1393
01:04:40,204 --> 01:04:42,022
She says, I did pretty well. I made
1394
01:04:42,076 --> 01:04:44,758
$200.50. The
1395
01:04:44,764 --> 01:04:47,658
husband asks, what asshole gave you?
1396
01:04:47,664 --> 01:04:49,740
Wife replies, oh, each of them.
1397
01:05:03,950 --> 01:05:05,566
All right, I got a few for you.
1398
01:05:05,588 --> 01:05:05,726
>> Freddy: Here.
1399
01:05:05,748 --> 01:05:08,266
>> Parker: I'm going to ratle these off for you. These are all Keller
1400
01:05:08,298 --> 01:05:11,226
jokes? Yes. Yes. Which, uh, they're
1401
01:05:11,258 --> 01:05:13,920
inappropriate, but they're funny. Okay.
1402
01:05:14,870 --> 01:05:17,554
Do you know what Helen Keller's house looks like?
1403
01:05:17,752 --> 01:05:19,940
No. That's okay. Neither did she.
1404
01:05:22,230 --> 01:05:24,738
Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off a
1405
01:05:24,744 --> 01:05:27,670
cliff? Because she was wearing mittens.
1406
01:05:30,010 --> 01:05:32,886
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with
1407
01:05:32,908 --> 01:05:35,606
only one hand? Because she moans with the
1408
01:05:35,628 --> 01:05:38,598
other. And finally, in, uh, my favorite
1409
01:05:38,614 --> 01:05:41,526
of these is, do you know why Helen Keller couldn't
1410
01:05:41,558 --> 01:05:43,754
drive anybody?
1411
01:05:43,952 --> 01:05:44,554
>> Freddy: Why?
1412
01:05:44,672 --> 01:05:46,090
>> Parker: Because she's a woman.
1413
01:05:50,050 --> 01:05:51,370
>> Freddy: I got a Helen Keller one.
1414
01:05:51,370 --> 01:05:53,290
>> Parker: Uh, look, it's Fred Lanyard in the background.
1415
01:05:53,370 --> 01:05:53,950
>> Freddy: Yeah.
1416
01:05:54,100 --> 01:05:56,560
>> Parker: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
1417
01:05:57,110 --> 01:05:59,280
Uh, they put the plunger in the,
1418
01:05:59,950 --> 01:06:02,906
uh, inappropriate. Wait. That's
1419
01:06:02,938 --> 01:06:04,000
exactly the point.
1420
01:06:05,010 --> 01:06:07,954
All right, I got two more for you. So a poor man
1421
01:06:07,992 --> 01:06:10,740
meets a rich man around Christmas. So
1422
01:06:11,830 --> 01:06:14,674
the poor man asks the rich man, what are you getting your wife for
1423
01:06:14,712 --> 01:06:17,266
this Christmas? The rich man replies, diamond earrings and a
1424
01:06:17,288 --> 01:06:19,974
mercedes. The poor man asks, why are you getting her two
1425
01:06:20,012 --> 01:06:22,966
gifts? The rich man says, well, if she doesn't like
1426
01:06:22,988 --> 01:06:25,986
the earrings, she can drive to the store and exchange them. The, uh, poor
1427
01:06:26,018 --> 01:06:28,742
man nods understandingly. Then the rich man
1428
01:06:28,796 --> 01:06:31,622
asks him, so what are you getting your wife this year?
1429
01:06:31,756 --> 01:06:34,746
Poor man thinks about it for a second and replies, a pair of
1430
01:06:34,768 --> 01:06:37,738
slippers and a dildo. The rich man says, why are you going to
1431
01:06:37,744 --> 01:06:40,574
get her to those two things? And the poor man says, very
1432
01:06:40,612 --> 01:06:43,466
quickly, this way, if she doesn't like the slivers, she can go fuck
1433
01:06:43,498 --> 01:06:44,110
herself.
1434
01:06:47,170 --> 01:06:48,110
Terrible.
1435
01:06:53,570 --> 01:06:56,434
All right, those are mine. I don't know if Fred has any.
1436
01:06:56,552 --> 01:06:58,606
>> Freddy: I got a couple. They're shorter.
1437
01:06:58,718 --> 01:07:01,714
>> Parker: Oh, that's fine. All right, um, try
1438
01:07:01,752 --> 01:07:02,690
not to laugh.
1439
01:07:04,710 --> 01:07:07,494
>> Freddy: What do you call a hooker that
1440
01:07:07,532 --> 01:07:09,110
avoids pesticides?
1441
01:07:11,530 --> 01:07:12,630
Organic.
1442
01:07:14,970 --> 01:07:17,430
>> Parker: Amen. Alan. Alan. It's the fucking.
1443
01:07:19,150 --> 01:07:21,610
Whatever. It's called rim shot
1444
01:07:22,670 --> 01:07:23,674
to everyone who.
1445
01:07:23,712 --> 01:07:26,090
>> Freddy: Says, I look weird with my new glasses.
1446
01:07:27,470 --> 01:07:29,340
You look weird without them.
1447
01:07:33,490 --> 01:07:34,240
>> Parker: Actually.
1448
01:07:37,750 --> 01:07:40,250
>> Freddy: M, how do you catch a unique
1449
01:07:40,330 --> 01:07:43,214
horse? Unique up
1450
01:07:43,252 --> 01:07:44,000
on it.
1451
01:07:46,690 --> 01:07:47,440
Okay,
1452
01:07:50,610 --> 01:07:53,470
what did the dj say when he robbed the bank?
1453
01:07:54,610 --> 01:07:55,640
It everybody.
1454
01:08:07,790 --> 01:08:10,220
I still do, but I used to do it, too.
1455
01:08:12,590 --> 01:08:14,170
>> Parker: These are not inappropriate.
1456
01:08:15,950 --> 01:08:18,806
Two men are knocking back beers and a bar on the 90th
1457
01:08:18,838 --> 01:08:21,798
floor of the Empire State Building. You know, there's
1458
01:08:21,814 --> 01:08:24,686
a slipstream around the 70th floor, says one opening a
1459
01:08:24,708 --> 01:08:27,646
window. And if you jump out right here, it'll suck you back up
1460
01:08:27,668 --> 01:08:30,234
to the 50th floor. Suck you back into the 50th
1461
01:08:30,282 --> 01:08:33,214
floor. Uh, come on, says the second. More
1462
01:08:33,252 --> 01:08:36,062
drunk. More than a little drunk. No, really, says the first.
1463
01:08:36,116 --> 01:08:38,878
I'll show you. He jumps out the windows,
1464
01:08:39,054 --> 01:08:41,986
comes in through the 50th floor window, takes the elevator up and
1465
01:08:42,008 --> 01:08:44,786
appears triumphantly back in the bar. Hey, I'm going to try
1466
01:08:44,808 --> 01:08:47,522
that. Says the second guy. He jumps out the windows,
1467
01:08:47,586 --> 01:08:49,910
falls 90 floors and is killed instantly.
1468
01:08:50,250 --> 01:08:53,078
Hey, the bartender says, looking hard at the
1469
01:08:53,084 --> 01:08:55,666
first man, you can be a real bastard when you're drunk.
1470
01:08:55,698 --> 01:08:56,550
Superman.
1471
01:09:01,310 --> 01:09:02,700
>> Freddy: I heard that one.
1472
01:09:04,510 --> 01:09:06,006
That's all I got, budy.
1473
01:09:06,118 --> 01:09:08,700
>> Parker: All right. Alan, you got any? No.
1474
01:09:13,470 --> 01:09:16,318
For his nintieth birthday, a man's friend decides to give him a
1475
01:09:16,324 --> 01:09:19,166
visit from an expensive, high class call girl. The
1476
01:09:19,268 --> 01:09:22,238
evening of his birthday, she appeared at his door, and when he opened the door, she
1477
01:09:22,244 --> 01:09:25,206
said, happy birthday. Your friends have sent you a gift.
1478
01:09:25,258 --> 01:09:27,906
I'm here to bring you super sex. So, what will it
1479
01:09:27,928 --> 01:09:30,594
be? The man thought for a minute and says,
1480
01:09:30,712 --> 01:09:32,946
sweetie, at my age, I think I'll have the
1481
01:09:32,968 --> 01:09:33,730
soup.
1482
01:09:38,150 --> 01:09:40,866
That was funny. Bob was excited about his new
1483
01:09:40,888 --> 01:09:43,538
338 rifle and decided to go bear hunting.
1484
01:09:43,634 --> 01:09:46,578
He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear
1485
01:09:46,594 --> 01:09:49,398
and shot it. Soon after, uh, there was a
1486
01:09:49,404 --> 01:09:52,390
tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear.
1487
01:09:52,470 --> 01:09:54,922
The black bear said, that was a very bad
1488
01:09:54,976 --> 01:09:57,866
mistake. That bear is my cousin. I'm going to give
1489
01:09:57,888 --> 01:10:00,826
you two choices. Either I maul you to death or
1490
01:10:00,848 --> 01:10:03,478
we bang. After considering it
1491
01:10:03,504 --> 01:10:06,414
briefly, Bob decided to accept the latter. So
1492
01:10:06,452 --> 01:10:09,386
the black bear had its way with Bob. Even though he felt
1493
01:10:09,418 --> 01:10:11,946
sore for two weeks, he soon recovered and vowed
1494
01:10:11,978 --> 01:10:14,366
revenge. He headed out on another trip to
1495
01:10:14,388 --> 01:10:17,310
Alaska, where he found the black bear and shot it dead.
1496
01:10:17,470 --> 01:10:20,014
Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder.
1497
01:10:20,142 --> 01:10:23,074
This time, a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.
1498
01:10:23,192 --> 01:10:25,870
The grizzly said, that's a big mistake, Bob.
1499
01:10:25,950 --> 01:10:28,398
That bear was my cousin. Now, you've got two
1500
01:10:28,424 --> 01:10:31,398
choices. Either I maul you to death or we
1501
01:10:31,484 --> 01:10:34,406
have rough sex again. Bob thought it was
1502
01:10:34,428 --> 01:10:37,206
better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than to be mauled to
1503
01:10:37,228 --> 01:10:39,842
death. So the grizzly had his way with Bob.
1504
01:10:39,986 --> 01:10:42,754
Although he survived, it took several months before Bob
1505
01:10:42,802 --> 01:10:45,290
fully recovered. Now Bob was completely
1506
01:10:45,360 --> 01:10:48,358
outraged. So he headed back to Alaska and managed
1507
01:10:48,374 --> 01:10:51,318
to track down the grizzly bear and shot it. He felt
1508
01:10:51,334 --> 01:10:54,238
the sweet revenge. But then, moments later, there
1509
01:10:54,244 --> 01:10:57,022
was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find
1510
01:10:57,076 --> 01:10:59,120
a giant polar bear standing there.
1511
01:11:00,130 --> 01:11:02,866
The polar bear looked at him and said, admit it,
1512
01:11:02,888 --> 01:11:05,746
Bob. You don't come here just for the hunting anymore, do
1513
01:11:05,768 --> 01:11:06,340
you?
1514
01:11:08,150 --> 01:11:09,010
Careful.
1515
01:11:11,270 --> 01:11:12,180
All right.
1516
01:11:14,230 --> 01:11:15,700
I think that's about it.
1517
01:11:17,270 --> 01:11:20,262
Yeah, I think we're good. Uh, good. What goes
1518
01:11:20,316 --> 01:11:22,866
clop clop clop, bang, bang, bang, clop, clop,
1519
01:11:22,898 --> 01:11:23,590
clop.
1520
01:11:25,450 --> 01:11:26,386
>> Freddy: Horse.
1521
01:11:26,578 --> 01:11:28,280
>> Parker: An Amish drive by.
1522
01:11:29,710 --> 01:11:32,534
>> Freddy: What do you call a, uh, man with his hand up a horse's
1523
01:11:32,582 --> 01:11:34,934
ass? Amish
1524
01:11:34,982 --> 01:11:35,850
mechanic.
1525
01:11:38,350 --> 01:11:41,162
>> Parker: All right, well, we realized once again,
1526
01:11:41,216 --> 01:11:42,650
jokes just don't work on this show.
1527
01:11:42,720 --> 01:11:43,206
>> Freddy: No.
1528
01:11:43,328 --> 01:11:44,960
>> Parker: So that's okay.
1529
01:11:46,450 --> 01:11:49,280
All right, guys, well, I think that's it for us.
1530
01:11:49,650 --> 01:11:52,542
We're going to get out of here and try to do better
1531
01:11:52,596 --> 01:11:53,118
next week.
1532
01:11:53,204 --> 01:11:54,538
>> Freddy: See you next week.
1533
01:11:54,724 --> 01:11:57,678
>> Parker: See you next week on a brand new episode. Oh, happy Martin
1534
01:11:57,694 --> 01:11:59,122
Luther King Day, by the way, everybody.
1535
01:11:59,256 --> 01:12:00,690
>> Freddy: Emil Kz.
1536
01:12:01,910 --> 01:12:04,642
>> Parker: What? See you next week on a brand new
1537
01:12:04,696 --> 01:12:07,686
episode of Black Laker Collective podcast, assuming we
1538
01:12:07,708 --> 01:12:10,374
aren't all dead by then. Good night,
1539
01:12:10,412 --> 01:12:10,902
everybody.
1540
01:12:11,036 --> 01:12:11,880
>> Freddy: Good night.
1541
01:12:19,770 --> 01:12:22,726
>> Parker: We are laughing, and we are
1542
01:12:22,748 --> 01:12:25,362
very good friends. Good buddies
1543
01:12:25,426 --> 01:12:27,000
sharing a special moment.
1544
01:12:29,970 --> 01:12:44,054
>> Freddy: Ran.
1545
01:12:44,122 --> 01:12:46,420
Game over, man. It's game over.
1546
01:12:47,110 --> 01:12:49,698
Just hang. Lose blood. You're going to catch up on the
1547
01:12:49,704 --> 01:12:51,330
rebound on Mesa.
1548
01:12:56,490 --> 01:12:57,960
Oh, what a day.
1549
01:13:01,930 --> 01:13:04,726
Well, that's all, folks. Asta la
1550
01:13:04,748 --> 01:13:06,354
vista, baby.
1551
01:13:06,482 --> 01:13:07,880
>> Parker: Goddamn hit.
1552
01:13:10,010 --> 01:13:12,774
Don't worry, nobody's listening anyway, as you.
1553
01:13:12,812 --> 01:13:15,334
>> Freddy: Know, I'm a man of special needs.
1554
01:13:15,452 --> 01:13:16,866
>> Parker: Surely you can't be serious.
1555
01:13:16,978 --> 01:13:17,986
>> Freddy: I am serious.
1556
01:13:18,098 --> 01:13:19,250
>> Parker: And, uh, don't call me Shirley.