Black Lincoln Collective Podcast

250 Episodes of Freedom | America's Favorite Podcast

Episode Summary

In “The 250th Episode” | Episode 244 of The Black Lincoln Collective Comedy Podcast, the crew celebrates America’s 250th birthday week with the dignity, accuracy, and historical responsibility you would expect from absolutely nobody involved. Parker, Fred, and Allan kick things off with patriotic confusion, Johnny Carson references, rejected national anthem energy, and Fred’s “250 four facts” about July 4th history. The list includes American independence, the Erie Canal, Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass, Shaka Zulu, the Trans-Pacific telegraph cable, Teddy Roosevelt’s alleged telegraph behavior, and NASA’s Pathfinder Rover landing on Mars. Then Abraham Lincoln himself appears to deliver a BLC-style Gettysburg Address for podcasts, farts, freedom, and the sacred battlefield of stinky bananas. It’s American history, bad math, fake reverence, and comedy that probably should not be taught in schools. Listen now: https://americasfavoritepodcast.com

Episode Notes

In “The 250th Episode” | Episode 244 of The Black Lincoln Collective Comedy Podcast, the crew celebrates the week of America’s 250th birthday by proudly naming their 244th episode “The 250th Episode,” because math has never been part of the brand promise.

The show opens with the usual BLC ceremony: a little confusion, some Johnny Carson nostalgia, Allan being introduced from a legally safe distance, and an attempted national anthem moment that gets shut down almost immediately. Parker explains that this episode is tied to America’s big 250th anniversary, or season, or whatever it is when a country has been running too long and still somehow has not been canceled.

To honor the occasion, Fred brings what he calls “250 four facts” about things that happened on July 4th. The facts begin with the obvious one — America declaring independence in 1776 — before moving into the Erie Canal beginning construction in 1817. Fred explains the canal with just enough confidence to sound educational and just enough uncertainty to remind everyone this is not PBS.

Next up is Walt Whitman publishing Leaves of Grass in 1855, which leads the crew into a confused discussion about whether Walt Whitman was connected to chocolate samplers, poetry, or possibly national boredom. Fred even reads part of a Whitman poem, and Allan reacts like a man watching a hostage situation unfold in verse.

The historical tour continues with Shaka Zulu, the British, the Battle of Ulundi, and a few deeply American misunderstandings about non-American history. Then Fred covers the first Trans-Pacific telegraph cable, which somehow becomes a Teddy Roosevelt joke almost immediately. To round things out, Fred adds NASA’s Pathfinder Rover landing on Mars on July 4, 1997, while Parker remembers getting “fat white guy wasted,” which feels historically important in its own way.

Then the episode reaches peak patriotism when Abraham Lincoln himself appears to deliver a BLC-style Gettysburg Address about podcasts, farts, freedom, and stinky bananas. It is emotional, ridiculous, and exactly the kind of presidential moment this country deserves.

Episode Transcription

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Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night.

 

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A lie, a lie, a lie.

 

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Black Lincoln Collective Podcast.

 

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Oh, it's gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swapping manly stories in the morning.

 

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Your hosts are featuring the sultry sounds of Fred and also Alan on the board.

 

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Oh, let's start the fan show.

 

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Welcome, welcome, one and all, to the 244th edition of the BLC Podcast, which is titled the 250th episode of the BLC Podcast.

 

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There you go.

 

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Thank you to all of our listeners all over the world.

 

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Please rate and review the show.

 

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We're proudly broadcasting to you from all over the place.

 

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And you can, of course, check us out on YouTube, Facebook, Insta, sometimes on Blue Sky, probably not.

 

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And all your favorite podcast platforms at AmericasFavoritePodcast.com.

 

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And now it's America's Sweetheart.

 

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It's Freddy.

 

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Hey!

 

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Hello!

 

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That's how Johnny Carter used to do it.

 

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Every man, every man.

 

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Hello!

 

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That's Johnny Carter!

 

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Johnny Carter.

 

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I'm fucking old, I'm fucking old, man.

 

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I remember that in passing.

 

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It was like a kid.

 

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Like, I don't remember that.

 

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I remember really watching it.

 

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Here's Johnny!

 

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Yeah!

 

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And he'd do the gulf thing.

 

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Yeah, man.

 

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Da-da-da-da-da.

 

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Yeah, and as always, the man behind me, but not too close, Allen O.T.B.

 

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Yeah!

 

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That's right.

 

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Yeah!

 

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Hey, let's phase it out.

 

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And now, ladies and gentlemen, please stand for the National Anthem.

 

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No!

 

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No!

 

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No!

 

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No!

 

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No!

 

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No!

 

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We're going to get, no!

 

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Stop doing that!

 

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Proud to be an American!

 

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I've never been so proud to know the words of that song, because I was like, hey, I know

 

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I'm better than that person.

 

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So, barely.

 

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Welcome, Fred.

 

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Thank you, everyone.

 

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You feel free to...

 

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Yeah.

 

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...be preservers.

 

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We reached out to Mr. Byrds and asked him, could he, uh...

 

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Yeah, he was like, no, I'll do it.

 

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I got it, guys.

 

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Don't worry about it.

 

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Ruin this for a while.

 

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Well, Fred, this is our episode.

 

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It's not...

 

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It's coming out a little bit before, but it's the week of America's 250th episode, or year.

 

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What?

 

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Anniversary.

 

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200th year.

 

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Season.

 

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It's our 250th season.

 

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Whatever, dude.

 

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It's really gone downhill lately.

 

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Yeah.

 

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America, you get fucked.

 

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We heard the season 15.

 

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They haven't extended it.

 

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That's right.

 

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They're like, we are...

 

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We're not signing on the next week.

 

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I can't look away.

 

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It's like a train wreck.

 

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But, you know, it's what we got.

 

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It's here.

 

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It's here.

 

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We're doing it.

 

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250 years.

 

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And because of 250 years, Fred, you decided that you would treat our listeners to 250 four facts.

 

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That's right.

 

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250 four facts.

 

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Four facts.

 

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So there's 250, exactly, Alan, four facts.

 

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There you go.

 

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Four facts.

 

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So I just want to give some, you know, some July 4th, other things that may have happened

 

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on the 4th of July that, you know, might not have known about it.

 

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Like, did you know, in 1776, the United States declared its independence from England?

 

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I did know that, actually.

 

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Okay.

 

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These are the things I'm talking about.

 

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These are things that, you know, happened on the 4th of July.

 

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And this is going to be in kind of chronological order.

 

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Okay.

 

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So in 1817.

 

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That is after 1776.

 

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He's right.

 

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That is.

 

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It is.

 

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The construction of the Erie Canal began.

 

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Oh.

 

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That's in Michigan, right?

 

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No, it's in New York.

 

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It was from, like, New York down.

 

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It was, like, from the top of New York down to, like, the city.

 

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You know what I mean?

 

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But that was actually America's first biggest engineering marvel before the Industrial Age.

 

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So, like, yeah, they did all that shit, like, cleared the land, the rocks, and the trees, and built, like, I mean, it's a really intricate canal system.

 

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Like, because, you know, a canal, like, they have to, like, bring the ship in, fill it up with water.

 

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Right.

 

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And then sink it, you know, drain it, and then, you know what I'm saying?

 

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So it goes down the hill.

 

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So, but, yeah, they did all that by hand.

 

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Like, I mean, not, I don't know.

 

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Like, yeah.

 

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I was like slave labor.

 

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I mean, I don't want to be.

 

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You have to be frank about America's history here, Fred.

 

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We hope to our listeners.

 

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We know who did and didn't do it.

 

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We all know.

 

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We all know.

 

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We all know.

 

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We planned it.

 

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Right.

 

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That's right.

 

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You know, we all had a part in it.

 

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You know what I mean?

 

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Right.

 

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Not my people.

 

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That's true.

 

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So did Matt, you ever read the book Leaves of Grass?

 

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I have never heard of a book.

 

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I've never heard of that book.

 

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Never heard of that book.

 

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Well, me either.

 

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But in 1855, Walt Whitman published.

 

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Oh.

 

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Walt Whitman known for his Whitman samplers.

 

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I love the Whitman samplers.

 

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Right.

 

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I love it.

 

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If he's not an American icon for that, I don't know what he's possibly going to do.

 

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Right.

 

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Yeah.

 

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That's like, I mean, you're going to get chocolate for Valentine's Day.

 

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If it's not Whitman's, it's shitman's.

 

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If it's not Whitman's, it's shitman's.

 

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Exactly.

 

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Exactly.

 

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Exactly.

 

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You can have that one for free.

 

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Right.

 

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Well, Matt, I know you heard of Shaka Zulu.

 

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Yeah.

 

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No way.

 

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What about the Walt Whitman story?

 

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Hold on.

 

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What?

 

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What happened?

 

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He just wrote a book.

 

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He published the book.

 

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Oh, I thought you were going to tell us what the book was.

 

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What was the book about?

 

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I guess it's about.

 

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No, it's about.

 

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It's a book of poems.

 

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It's just a poem.

 

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It's more than 400 poems.

 

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Oh, it's a poem.

 

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Yeah, but.

 

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It's a poem book.

 

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You know what I mean?

 

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Right.

 

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I'm not going to romantic.

 

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It's 400 poems.

 

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Do you want me to read them?

 

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400 poems.

 

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Yeah.

 

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Go ahead.

 

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Read Whitman.

 

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All right.

 

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I'm going to read you one.

 

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Give me a sample of Whitman's.

 

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Yeah.

 

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Give us a.

 

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A young man came to me with.

 

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This is a shortish one.

 

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A young man came to him.

 

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This is a longer one.

 

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They died, Pike.

 

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No.

 

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Let's go with it.

 

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All right.

 

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A young man came to me with a message from his brother.

 

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How should the young man know whether or when of his brother?

 

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Tell him to send me the signs.

 

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And I stood before the young man face to face and took his right hand in my left hand.

 

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Left hand in my right hand.

 

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I answered for his brother.

 

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It is right, man.

 

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And I answered for the poet.

 

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And sent these signs.

 

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Him all wait for.

 

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Him all yield to.

 

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His word is decisive and final.

 

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Him all.

 

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Him they accept.

 

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In him lay.

 

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In him perceive themselves a mid-light.

 

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Him they immerse.

 

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And he immerses them.

 

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What?

 

220

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Beautiful women.

 

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The haughtiest nations.

 

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Now we're talking.

 

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Laws.

 

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The landscape.

 

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People and animals.

 

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Oh, my God.

 

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The found earth and its attributes.

 

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And the unquiet ocean.

 

229

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So much more of this poem.

 

230

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It's probably better.

 

231

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I think that we're, uh, we're about to wait to the floor.

 

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I think, uh, Alan's playing you off.

 

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Great poem.

 

234

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Very loud.

 

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Thank you, technical director.

 

236

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Alan just walked away.

 

237

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And, like, break it up.

 

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I was like, I don't want to hear this poem.

 

239

00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:47,160

Yeah.

 

240

00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:47,700

They want to.

 

241

00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:48,080

Yeah.

 

242

00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:49,580

It was like, it's a poem.

 

243

00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:50,560

I don't want to listen to that.

 

244

00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:52,880

They must have been bored as hell in 1855.

 

245

00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:53,760

It was a lot of poem.

 

246

00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:55,060

I don't know what that poem was about.

 

247

00:10:55,060 --> 00:10:58,840

I heard it, but I was reading it word for word.

 

248

00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,180

So that was July 4th, 1855.

 

249

00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:01,940

That's right.

 

250

00:11:02,180 --> 00:11:02,620

1855.

 

251

00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:03,120

That's right.

 

252

00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:07,280

People were like, they were like so excited for July 4th and all this stuff.

 

253

00:11:07,380 --> 00:11:08,900

And Walt Whitman was promising things.

 

254

00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:11,180

And they're like, Whitman promises it.

 

255

00:11:11,180 --> 00:11:12,680

You know, it's candy related.

 

256

00:11:13,060 --> 00:11:15,920

And then he dropped this fucking book of points.

 

257

00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:18,100

Suicide rates.

 

258

00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,500

Maybe that's how he got his books.

 

259

00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:23,900

So with like every book you bought, you get like a sample of Whitman.

 

260

00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:24,460

You buy candy.

 

261

00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:25,520

That's where it's in the book.

 

262

00:11:25,860 --> 00:11:26,840

They got a sample.

 

263

00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:27,860

Yeah.

 

264

00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,240

It came with a sample.

 

265

00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:31,500

And the sample was better than the book.

 

266

00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:32,420

Fuck the book.

 

267

00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:33,660

You just get the samples.

 

268

00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:35,040

Yeah.

 

269

00:11:35,180 --> 00:11:36,980

Finally, after that, he was like, we'll just do the samples.

 

270

00:11:37,220 --> 00:11:37,320

No.

 

271

00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:38,340

We'll just do the, yeah.

 

272

00:11:38,420 --> 00:11:39,240

We'll just do the candy.

 

273

00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,700

And so, uh, okay, man.

 

274

00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:46,820

So now you've heard of Shaka Zulu, right?

 

275

00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:47,540

Yes.

 

276

00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:48,640

Yeah.

 

277

00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:49,860

Shaka Zulu.

 

278

00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:58,800

Well, the British forces won the battle of Ulandi is the battle fought between the British

 

279

00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:00,000

and the Zulu army.

 

280

00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:01,540

Okay.

 

281

00:12:01,820 --> 00:12:01,980

Yeah.

 

282

00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,680

Shaka Zulu was a badass, wasn't he?

 

283

00:12:03,820 --> 00:12:04,920

Wasn't Shaka Zulu?

 

284

00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,180

Shaka Zulu was a badass.

 

285

00:12:06,620 --> 00:12:07,100

Oh, no.

 

286

00:12:07,220 --> 00:12:07,520

I'm sorry.

 

287

00:12:07,620 --> 00:12:08,280

That's Shaka Khan.

 

288

00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:12,440

Oh, I thought you was talking, I thought you were going to say Mandingo.

 

289

00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:13,820

Yeah, no.

 

290

00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,040

I thought it was Shaka Khan.

 

291

00:12:15,260 --> 00:12:16,480

Are you talking about Mandingo?

 

292

00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:17,640

No, I mean Shaka Khan.

 

293

00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:18,760

Not Shaka Khan.

 

294

00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:24,720

No, Shaka Zulu was like king of the Zulus back in the day in 18 and somethings, right?

 

295

00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:25,580

Yeah, yeah.

 

296

00:12:25,740 --> 00:12:26,420

King of the Zulus.

 

297

00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:27,100

Yeah.

 

298

00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:27,980

And he was a badass.

 

299

00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:28,980

Mm-hmm.

 

300

00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,280

They fought the British army.

 

301

00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:32,000

Right.

 

302

00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:38,880

Like I said, you know, just with what they had, you know, spears and shields, I mean, they

 

303

00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,840

were defeated, but like, you know, they put up a hell of a battle.

 

304

00:12:41,980 --> 00:12:43,060

They showed them they could fight.

 

305

00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:44,200

There you go.

 

306

00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:45,280

But they didn't win.

 

307

00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:45,840

So.

 

308

00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:47,060

They didn't win.

 

309

00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:47,680

You know what I mean?

 

310

00:12:47,940 --> 00:12:48,600

But they fought.

 

311

00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,980

Alan, sometimes you win by losing.

 

312

00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:52,080

It's better.

 

313

00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:57,700

It's better to, what is it, to die on your back than to live on your knees.

 

314

00:12:58,680 --> 00:12:59,840

Ain't that how it goes?

 

315

00:13:00,020 --> 00:13:00,280

How to stay?

 

316

00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:00,780

Yeah.

 

317

00:13:01,020 --> 00:13:01,580

Something like that.

 

318

00:13:01,940 --> 00:13:02,120

Yeah.

 

319

00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:03,500

It's better to die on your back than live.

 

320

00:13:04,220 --> 00:13:06,640

It's better to take it on your back than on your knees, Alan.

 

321

00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:06,940

No.

 

322

00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:08,540

I'm not taking it.

 

323

00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,340

That's what it sounds like to me.

 

324

00:13:10,460 --> 00:13:12,020

Whatever it is, that's what you got to do.

 

325

00:13:12,380 --> 00:13:13,200

I got to do it.

 

326

00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:14,540

I got to do it.

 

327

00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:16,600

And I think I'll pass.

 

328

00:13:17,540 --> 00:13:19,660

I think, no, this should be four.

 

329

00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,400

I think this is the fourth fact.

 

330

00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:23,160

This is the fourth fact.

 

331

00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,280

So, happy 4th of July.

 

332

00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:31,780

The first Trans-Pacific Telegraph cable was completed in 1903.

 

333

00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:39,100

It connected, the cable connected the islands of Honolulu, Guam, Midway, Manila.

 

334

00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:46,380

U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt sent the first telegraph over this cable.

 

335

00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:47,500

So, there you go.

 

336

00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:48,580

It was a picture of his dick.

 

337

00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:49,700

How long was it?

 

338

00:13:52,980 --> 00:13:54,620

I wonder how long that was.

 

339

00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:54,900

It was cold.

 

340

00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:55,740

It was in war.

 

341

00:13:55,740 --> 00:13:56,520

It was like...

 

342

00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,520

It was in the balls right now.

 

343

00:14:01,580 --> 00:14:02,020

Yeah.

 

344

00:14:02,020 --> 00:14:03,240

A couple of hair things sticking out.

 

345

00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:04,000

It was like...

 

346

00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:08,660

It works.

 

347

00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:11,340

Finally, yeah.

 

348

00:14:11,540 --> 00:14:11,820

Finally.

 

349

00:14:13,180 --> 00:14:17,460

Now, I can show all these Pacific Islanders what an American fan.

 

350

00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:20,960

Happy July 4th, America.

 

351

00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:22,360

Happy America.

 

352

00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:23,500

Enjoy.

 

353

00:14:24,340 --> 00:14:26,580

Enjoy my bush.

 

354

00:14:27,060 --> 00:14:28,600

Stay around with a sign.

 

355

00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:31,060

You know Teddy Roosevelt had an airy bush because...

 

356

00:14:31,060 --> 00:14:31,300

Yeah.

 

357

00:14:31,540 --> 00:14:32,300

He was a hunter.

 

358

00:14:33,060 --> 00:14:33,840

He liked it wild.

 

359

00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:35,360

He liked it beaver.

 

360

00:14:35,940 --> 00:14:36,220

Yeah.

 

361

00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:37,200

He was like...

 

362

00:14:37,780 --> 00:14:39,400

This helps you blend into nature.

 

363

00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,580

Free mustache rides.

 

364

00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:42,440

I can feel it.

 

365

00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:42,720

Yeah.

 

366

00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:45,500

Big mustache.

 

367

00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:45,700

Big mustache.

 

368

00:14:45,980 --> 00:14:46,120

Yeah.

 

369

00:14:46,620 --> 00:14:47,240

Oh, yeah, dude.

 

370

00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:47,440

Yeah.

 

371

00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:47,820

The huge one.

 

372

00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:48,400

Oh, yeah.

 

373

00:14:49,940 --> 00:14:50,380

Yeah.

 

374

00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:56,200

So, that was my Freddy's 254th facts.

 

375

00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:58,840

Oh, Mr. Freddy.

 

376

00:14:58,880 --> 00:14:59,700

254 facts.

 

377

00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:00,400

That's right, Fred.

 

378

00:15:00,860 --> 00:15:01,400

254 facts.

 

379

00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,700

You had 254 facts about America.

 

380

00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:05,660

There you go.

 

381

00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:06,580

Well, sort of America.

 

382

00:15:06,580 --> 00:15:07,980

Well, not about America, but...

 

383

00:15:07,980 --> 00:15:09,720

I thought they would be about...

 

384

00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:10,460

Well...

 

385

00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:14,460

Now, in retrospect, I really thought they would be more American.

 

386

00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:15,660

What?

 

387

00:15:16,660 --> 00:15:17,180

But...

 

388

00:15:17,180 --> 00:15:18,000

It wasn't, right?

 

389

00:15:18,380 --> 00:15:19,060

You know what, Fred?

 

390

00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:21,460

That was pretty...

 

391

00:15:21,460 --> 00:15:21,620

Yeah.

 

392

00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:23,120

And pretty close.

 

393

00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:24,120

Sometimes good enough.

 

394

00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:25,620

Who's going to fact check me?

 

395

00:15:26,020 --> 00:15:26,380

Right.

 

396

00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:27,860

Who would ever think to do that?

 

397

00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:28,300

Not me.

 

398

00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:29,080

Exactly.

 

399

00:15:29,460 --> 00:15:30,800

I don't even remember what one of the...

 

400

00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:31,780

I remember...

 

401

00:15:31,780 --> 00:15:32,120

Yeah.

 

402

00:15:32,980 --> 00:15:34,580

I remember the chocolate dude.

 

403

00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:35,680

Okay.

 

404

00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:36,440

Walt Whitman.

 

405

00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:37,200

Walt Whitman.

 

406

00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:37,600

Jocko Zulu.

 

407

00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:38,520

Erie Canal.

 

408

00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,640

America's birth as a nation, which is...

 

409

00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:41,780

Duh.

 

410

00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:42,460

Right.

 

411

00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:43,240

Erie Canal.

 

412

00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:44,060

Erie Canal.

 

413

00:15:44,380 --> 00:15:44,860

So, okay.

 

414

00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:45,660

One more then.

 

415

00:15:46,220 --> 00:15:46,780

There you go.

 

416

00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:48,880

NASA's Pathfinder Rover.

 

417

00:15:49,060 --> 00:15:49,900

Lands on Mars.

 

418

00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:51,000

Today?

 

419

00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:52,480

July 4th, 1997.

 

420

00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:53,900

There you go.

 

421

00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:54,380

Look at that.

 

422

00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:55,480

There you go.

 

423

00:15:55,700 --> 00:15:56,220

There you go.

 

424

00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:56,340

There you go.

 

425

00:15:56,340 --> 00:15:58,120

I got wasted July 4th, 1997.

 

426

00:15:58,740 --> 00:15:59,040

Did you?

 

427

00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:00,040

Probably.

 

428

00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:01,580

You get white girl wasted?

 

429

00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:03,940

I got fat white guy wasted.

 

430

00:16:04,340 --> 00:16:05,500

Which is the second...

 

431

00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,340

Which is pretty close to white girl wasted.

 

432

00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,100

It's about half a step over.

 

433

00:16:11,540 --> 00:16:12,720

It's been Lincoln drinking.

 

434

00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:13,940

Wasted.

 

435

00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:15,440

You know, it's all over when we go out drinking.

 

436

00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:17,280

George Schlossington.

 

437

00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:18,480

Exactly.

 

438

00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:27,020

So, Fred, I'm going to take a phone call, but I heard you guys might have a special guest

 

439

00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,560

after I leave, but I don't know.

 

440

00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:29,860

So, you might want to introduce somebody.

 

441

00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:30,680

Okay.

 

442

00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:34,120

And I'll be back after a quick phone call with our bosses.

 

443

00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:44,560

Ladies and gentlemen, the tallest president to ever have lived, Mr. President Abraham Lincoln,

 

444

00:16:45,260 --> 00:16:46,180

our namesake.

 

445

00:16:47,690 --> 00:16:49,040

Welcome, President Lincoln.

 

446

00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:59,500

Four and four episodes ago, our show's daddy brought forth on this internet, a new podcast,

 

447

00:16:59,940 --> 00:17:09,560

conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal and farts.

 

448

00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:25,420

Now, we are engaged in a great stinky banana, testing whether this podcast or any podcast so conceived and so dedicated can long endure.

 

449

00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:30,500

We are met on the great battlefield of that banana.

 

450

00:17:31,620 --> 00:17:43,220

We have come to dedicate a portion of that field as a final resting place for those who here gave their time that a podcast might live.

 

451

00:17:43,220 --> 00:17:59,160

It's altogether fitting and proper that we should do this, but in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground.

 

452

00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:10,100

The brave listeners, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract.

 

453

00:18:10,980 --> 00:18:18,400

The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what we did here.

 

454

00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:28,180

It is for us, the living, rather to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus so nobly advanced.

 

455

00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:34,120

It's rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us.

 

456

00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:44,860

That from these honored dead, we can take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion that they have.

 

457

00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:45,660

Preach it!

 

458

00:18:46,340 --> 00:18:50,920

We are here, highly resolved that these dead shall not have died in vain.

 

459

00:18:51,180 --> 00:18:57,180

That this podcast, under Fox, shall have a new birth of freedom!

 

460

00:18:57,740 --> 00:18:58,340

Yes!

 

461

00:18:58,340 --> 00:19:00,860

And that a podcast of the people!

 

462

00:19:01,620 --> 00:19:02,420

Of the people!

 

463

00:19:02,940 --> 00:19:03,420

Out of people!

 

464

00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:05,680

And for the people shall not perish from the earth!

 

465

00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:06,340

No!

 

466

00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:07,620

BLCU!

 

467

00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:10,100

BLCU in hell!

 

468

00:19:11,140 --> 00:19:12,140

Fuck BLC!

 

469

00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:13,760

BLC!

 

470

00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:14,620

Linkin' out!

 

471

00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:15,400

BLC!

 

472

00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:16,680

BLC!

 

473

00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:17,780

BLC!

 

474

00:19:17,780 --> 00:19:18,280

BLC!

 

475

00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:20,700

I wish I had somebody help me say it.

 

476

00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,540

It's so good, it's so good.

 

477

00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:24,820

America!

 

478

00:19:26,420 --> 00:19:28,160

I love you!

 

479

00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:33,740

I got gay Charles and Greg Brown singing!

 

480

00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,720

That was emotional, whatever just happened to you.

 

481

00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:41,260

You guys, I came back in and it was a very emotionally charged scene.

 

482

00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:41,720

Yeah!

 

483

00:19:42,660 --> 00:19:47,760

So I'm glad, whatever, management just wanted to tell me that they liked the farts.

 

484

00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:48,720

Oh, they did.

 

485

00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:49,360

I knew that.

 

486

00:19:49,540 --> 00:19:53,940

I thought we already knew that, but, you know, they answer, or they call you answer, you know

 

487

00:19:53,940 --> 00:19:54,300

what I mean?

 

488

00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:55,180

That's it.

 

489

00:19:55,180 --> 00:19:59,720

So speaking of Fred, speaking of answering the call, well, Fred.